Before I start I am not depressed I have anxiety of most kinds. Also there will not be very much punctuation in this book at all
My biggest fear is to lose my friends and literally everyone around me so I make it a point to fit in or at least act how I think my friends want me to ask I'm two different people at my house I'm the sweet girl and at school I'm terrible i cuss I make dirty jokes and a lot of other things that I don't want to do. I just don't want to lose my friends as friends.
Most importantly I am seeing a stupid or not the brightest in my friend group and I want to change that image but I don't know how cuz everytime I try and convince people that I'm smart it doesn't work. Every time I try and convince someone that I'm strong it doesn't work. Because of my size and shape I can't be seen as anyting less then a scrawny little girl who can't do anything. I may not look like the other girls in the school and I might not be as pretty as them or smart as them or as strong as them but I am me and I'm more than you think I am. This is why I get anxiety cuz I think I'm not as good and I know my friends don't do this on purpose but it's what happens and I end up feeling really bad for myself but I put it away so it doesn't seem like I'm weak. If you are one of my friends and you are reading this please listen I am being completely honest right now and I just want to feel accepted or like I really am a good person or I am smart or I am pretty or have the right body shape. Because it's hard everything's hidden and I can't find it and I don't want to be who I am at school I want to be a person I am at home I can't I can't because I am scared that I'm going to not be liked by my friends or by anybody else in the school. My teacher doesn't refer to it as pure pressure that I do and I know that God has a reason and that the devil is just trying to make me feel bad but the only way I can make it stop is by putting this out and letting some of my friends read it cuz I feel weak I feel like I'm not pretty why don't have the right body shape and I just want don't want to feel like that because I can't sleep at night I have anxiety about this and I'm OCD so I can't sleep at night hard because all I want to do is cry myself to sleep but I can't if you are reading this and you are my friend or you're somebody who can help please please comment or if you're my friend text me or DM me just please know this
