The Broken Path

My husband and I had been married five years when we decided it was time to start a family. We were at a good place in our lives to start one; I was a school nurse working at an elementary school with decent hours and weekends off, my husband,  Daniel, worked as an insurance adjuster for a good company. We had bought a 100 year old farm and worked every evening and weekend to make the house and barn new again. We had a couple of horses in the barn and now wanted children to fill our house.

We were certain that it would happen right away, so we went out and bought enough stuff to furnish the nursery. Then we waited, and waited. Month after month filled with disappointment. I thought maybe we weren’t trying at the right time so I bought home kits to let me know when to try. Then I went to the health food market to get some herbs to help with fertility. Still month after heartbreaking month passed.

“Honey it’ll be okay.” Daniel comforted me one day as I cried. I wanted a baby so badly my arms ached to hold one.

“I know. It’s just that Crystal, you know, the first grade teacher at work? She’s  pregnant. I’m happy for her I really am, but it's so unfair. This one makes four, she gets pregnant so easy. It just isn‘t fair” I repeated as I hit my pillow. I had to hit something.

“Have you made an appointment with the doctor you told me about?” He asked.

I sighed and nodded “I go next week.”

“See?” He gave me a kiss. “I’m sure everything will be just fine.”

I nodded and smiled but the gloom seemed to stay all week. Crystal was glowing with happiness. Her husband had only been home from Iraq for two months when she got pregnant. She was also happy he was retiring from the Army after twenty years and two wars. I was happy for her, I really was, I knew I was just feeling sorry for myself.

The night before my appointment I could hardly sleep I was so worried. At 32 maybe I had waited too long to start. Daniel and I had wanted to have the freedom to just pack and go if we wanted to run away for the weekend, we wanted to get the house finished and wait to have kids until the time was right. Maybe we shouldn’t have waited so long. We never did run away for the weekend anyway. Now it had been 18 long disappointing