i imagine you being wide-eyed and unfathomably unrealistic.
i imagine you being funny.
sweet. playing with my hair no matter how many times i tell
you to stop. breaking down my walls even though i haven't stopped
building them up.
laughing. a lot. me ruffling your too-messy hair, and
me falling in love with you.
your smile that's worth millions while you'd be
holding my hand, not even realizing how fast your warmth makes my
heart race and how badly i am bruised, how much i need you,
how badly i want, and need you to care.
i imagine you being beautiful.
i imagine you being
here. right next to me, and
never wanting you to leave. i imagine you
teasingly pushing me to the edge and unknowingly
reopening scars, pointing out flaws like a child
never told no. i imagine me five years older, crying and
begging you to leave, slamming the door behind me...
then you begging for me to open the door, screaming, and then your voice breaking,
apologizing.
i imagine myself opening the door.
i imagine everything- the color of your hair, the width of your smile,
the beat of your heart so similar to my own.
i imagine the stupid things- your face right after a shower, the tilt of your head when you look at me,
the way you say my name as if it's magic on your tongue.
i imagine being happy... being happy because of you.
i imagine you making me laugh over the bizarrest (bizzarest?) sort of things.
the color of your heart, the sound of my tears...
i imagine you fixing me.
and then- out of nowhere- you're gone. you disappear. I grasp the nothingness in front of me and break down what i know-
your voice,
your smile,
your smell,
your love.
was it really just a dream?
me Imaging the Unimaginable?
had i really just had my heart broken...
by someone who wasn't there?
~
