You're All There Is...

Here You Are

HERE YOU ARE, just standing there-
Why do you look at me so strange?
I'm like you, or your neighbor, or maybe your neighbor's cousin,
But why am I the monster?

Do I have looks of malice slashed on my face
Or is it the scars you're gawking at?
Do I seem like a current movie 'psycho' to you
Or could be you hearing the perpetual static that clouds my only source of happiness?
Why do we need such bias;
Such much fear,
SO
MUCH
FEAR..but I treat you like my sister?

Why must I keep smiling when you dump your hazardous toxicity on my heart,
You know I feel too.
"Imagined YOU got blamed for being BORN." I scream....

But the silence seeps in more.

The more I feel guilt, pain, worthless and hopeless-
Why am I so misunderstood,
When all I did was look in your direction?
All I said was Hi...
But that "Hi" felt like I was climbing a mountain.

I wish you could understand-
The guilt
The pain
The paranoia
The ANGER
THE BURDEN
THE ABSOLUTE HORROR
Of being misunderstood like a dream that was pummeled to the side of the curb.

But I say this in a blink-and you walk away-

While you live your ignorant life I sit there in shambles and pitch black.
I stare at your footprints unable to go on-
I cry but you can't see it.

The retched gut instincts of a mental shut-down from even the slightest gesture towards me,
Has just become a daily chore on my dysfunctional To-do list.
I dread having to come near my own FAMILY in fear of ruining their future well-being.

The slightest noise, the utterance of my name, the slight glances made in my direction.
I hear them.
The short, hoarse, petty words:
"Weird, psycho, don't come near her, oh god she's here, too serious, coward, just begging for attention, horrible friend, no chill, toxic, what the actual -"

The voices are so clear,
I don't know wether they're fake or not.

Why do they call me a monster,
When they scream and kick until they get their way?
When they call me coward,
Are they hiding away too?
Where they overlooked once,
I fell over many thousands of times.

They tell me to "Suck it up"-
but they taunt me like branding irons on sunburned skin.
They tell me "It's going to blow over"-
then why is it that the blow is a gale?
They tell me "Only cowards hide"-
But they flee to the hills when they are confronted;
But I'm no longer afraid,
No longer afraid of you.

I won't let voices break me;
The mightiest tree can fall down on my soul
But my future will rise above you-
My mind a mighty redwood.
Untainted by weeds
Or chains
Or pollution

Where I stand anew,
The demons and tormentors are blades of grass.
I stare down at them, with much pity.
Why must we have such bias and stigma
On a static screen that can fizzle into a major-motion picture?
You and I-very much alike-You, your neighbor, or even your Neighbor's cousin?
But never let the tormentors, demons, static, bullies, or condemning shackle you to the walls you built.

You're all there is. Don't give up.
You're all there is-Please keep going.
You're all there is. No one will replace you.
You're all there is-You are the diamond in the rough.
You're all there is-No one thinks as ingeniously as you do.
You're all there is
You're all there is
You're all there is......And I will guide you to the light.