Gunslinger

            Regret was nothing. I had felt nothing for their screams and pleas. They had only made my job easier. A relieving sense of loneliness washed over my mind, wrapping my body in the warm blanket of guiltless and heart-healed utopia. Knowing they were gone was knowing no pain.

            I glided down the road of soot and stone. The night was so dark, not even the stars dared to cast their white light down upon this road of remorseless sin I’ve been trudging.  Even the dark underbrush of thorns and interlacing vines seemed to keep their gaunt fingers away from the trail I seemed to walk on this night. It was an unusual sight for the common nighttime traveler who is, on occasion, sucked into the unforgiving grip of the underbrush.

            No matter what the underbrush was doing on this night though. This special, particular night in which I’ve bestowed terroristic revenge on my more than deserving lover was not to be wasted on the thought of such useless details. Tonight deserved celebration. Never again would I feel the pain of my heart breaking into small, useless shards that my love seemed to feast upon. No longer would her other lover be able to laugh at my weak attempts at trying to keep her in my arms.

            I walk in great victory tonight, inhaling the dusty air into my lungs. The road before me stretched on for what seemed like eternity. Almost as if nothing could ever reach its end. I laughed at the thought. Nothing could go on forever, everything had an end. Even this road, even this heavy night. It all had an end that I was soon to reach. I clenched my fists at my side and continued putting one foot in front of the other, surely I was almost home.

            From afar, from oh so far away, there was light. I paused in my tracks and stared at it. What was it; there was no light here in such darkness, how could it be existing at the end of this road? Nothing good could come from something with an existence that shouldn’t be so, for precautionary reasons, I cupped my hands over the gun in my sling. My feet advanced me forward, my eyes stayed locked with the light that seemed to get smaller as I got closer. Almost panicked by its decreasing, I began to run.

            It only got smaller faster and just as I reached the end of the road it began to fully fade away. Words couldn’t quite describe the deep desire inside me to understand why that light was there, where it came from, and what it meant. Nothing was there to emit the light, there was no reason for its existence, and so why was it there? My fingers extended to where it had been floating, but nothing was there. Even the light was now gone and only air was left where it had been. Suddenly there was a large emptiness in my chest and soul, something I had never felt before.

            A cool wind rustled the leaves and the darkness, pulling from my surreal state of mind and back on to the road. I lifted my head and looked around, examining the silhouettes of the brambles and trees. No light, no emptiness, just the silence of the nighttime. Unsure of what had just happened; I began to walk again- off the road this time. My stride was no longer gallant, it was sullen and slow. Images flew past my eyes, images of the blood and the screaming- my sweet love begging for my forgiveness. Her voice was there so strong, so very strong; I could hear it in the wind.

            My hand still held the gun in its sling. Her voice floated through the air changing from her pleas to the soft voice I loved as she whispered for me to join her. The breeze wrapped around me like her arms had done once before. Just inches out of my reach the light appeared again. Her voice. It was in the light. She was in the light, waiting for me. My legs buckled and I fell to my knees. The dirt was dry and flew up tainting the air. Desperately, I crawled towards the light. Wanting her, needing her, and regretting what I had done. Silent sobs fell out of my throat, but the light got smaller the closer I crawled. I would never reach her. Not like this.

            Between the cries and the shaking, I withdrew my pistol from its sling. My hand reached up for the light, my fingers just inches from it.

            “I love you.” The wind whispered as I placed the barrel to my temple.