Hidden Smile

Letting go

I arrived at school, saw a few people, but where's Gen? Please don't tell me she's ill too. Because I won't be able to see her before I leave. I sat on a bench on the playground, alone. There weren't many people, it was quite early so I didn't expect it to be crowded. I felt someone coming up to me, sneakily. That must be Gen, no doubt. We do that sometimes, she's about to try to scare me, I can feel it in my bones. I was smiling because it's funny she doesn't think I already felt that someone's walking towards me to scare me. ''Hiii,'' I heard a raspy voice say. I turned around and my smile left my face as I found out who said 'hi'. It was Styles. Guess my bones were wrong. I didn't want to see him, let alone talk to him. And now I do have a good reason for not wanting to talk to him. Not like before, that was just being stupid and over-dramatic I guess.

My first reaction to his 'Hi', without thinking was turning around, grabbing my bag, standing up and saying ''Oh, Harry, bye!'' Oh, snap, sassy Jade, huh. It's actually kind of harsh when you think of it like that, but it was my first reaction and I already did it. I can't rewrite my past. I walked away and he grabbed my arm, ''Jade, I need to talk to you.'' ''Ha, funny, now you do want to talk. See how things change so quickly, because guess what Harry, guess who doesn't want to talk to you anymore? Me, I must be the only girl you ever heard saying that. You know, why don't you go talk to Ashley. You've been so close lately? I have to say, I could've seen that one coming. I won't be in your way! Now let go of my arm, please, I need to go to my friend, Gennie.'' I said with the emphasis on friend since he has, and at the same time hasn't been a good one. He let go of my arm. He was a bit let down. I honestly can't see him like that, but he reminded me of me when he didn't want to talk to me. With a bit of pain in my heart, I left him. He was totally speecheless. And I was a bit overwhelemed myself. When I was sying those things to him I could read his facial expressions which were mostly denying. He couldn't say it, but I could see. I just dont know what is the best thing to do in this situation. I can't just. It's just... I can't manage to find words to describe my feeling. Guess that was for the best. Why can't I be like that? why can't I just act how he acted, and not feel bad about it. I definitely need to grow a thicker skin. I feel bad about it. That's at least one thing I know for sure. I walked up to Gen who just arrived. Glad she's here, someone to talk to.

"Hii-, What's wrong?" In the middle of her 'Hiiii ' she interrupted herself. She probably reckoned there was something going on. Not just something, but Harry, again. OR me, I mean I can keep blaming him, but he isn't the only one to blame.

"Gen, I really don't know it anymore! I'm more than confused and not only Harry has let me down, I feel like I let myself down. I just really don't know it anymore." I started. "Awe don't be sad Jade, you didn't do anything wrong... or did you?" "Well, no, I guess. Yes? I don't know." I sighed. "Jade? There's something you haven't told me, I can feel it." She gave me the 'I know you better than you know yourself so you better tell me what is going on now' look. She even squinted her eyes a bit and tilted her head. That means I have to tell her, but I was already planned on telling her, so no biggie. Weird that Genel knows me this good.

"Okay, you've got to stop giving me those looks, Gen." I said laughing, smiling. "Tell me," Gennie said impatiently, looking at me and frowning her eyebrows into a desperate-face look, "I want to know and I want to help you." I sighed, "Okay then."

"I saw Harry, actually he saw me and came up to me, but I really wasn't in a chatty mood, and especially not with him, so I said 'Oh, Harry, bye' -" "Ooh, sassy Jade, I like it," Gen Interrupted. "I know right! That's what I was thinking just after I said it. But let me continue." I went from giggly to serious-mode. "He said he wanted to talk and I said I didn't want to talk, told him to go talk to Ashley, since they were pretty close lately, I walked away and saw he was a bit let down and bumped into you." I said and Gennie was just looking at me, not saying a word.