Soldineer a love not meant to be

Whats under ya helmet (first time writing something :3 )

it was a rainy day in the badlands. jane just woke up and prepared a coffee as he wandered towards his helmet pal Dell conagher, he has special feelings for him but he is to insecure to open them out to him as he knows Dell is a difficult person and has some bad opinions about same sex relations. 

As Jane approached the room of engineer he wondered for a moment how it would be for them to be together he takes a sip and knocks on the door 

*sounds of knocking*

Jane: engi? are you awake yet?....Engi?....Dell?....oooooh conagher are you thereee? i have raccoon problems again.

*Engi opens the door wearing only his undies*

Dell: again soldier? how many times do i need to te-

*soldier spits his coffee out in his face seeing him all nude like that*

Jane: holy marry mother of scout's cheating mom. why are you in your undies?!

Dell: *wipes the coffee of his face. cus i was sleeping maybe?

Jane: is that a trick question you know how much i hate those. you know that!

Dell: it wasnt even a question. anyways i suppose you want my special weedwacker for your racoon problem?

Jane: oh yes gimme gimme...oh wait no that was a lie to wake you up and open your door all nude like that...heheh *glares at his musclier body*

Dell: Mr jane done you son of a....why are  you looking at me like that son? and why in the heck are you turning red? ya feeling alright son or did ya got a case of the queers?

Jane: oh..OH! no i wasnt glaring or anything it just looked like your floor was a bit creaky might wanna fix that...heh.... ( if only he let me...why do you have to be this way engi. you know we would be perfect for eachother. ) 

Dell: wha? mah floor? *turns around and bend slighty to look*

Jane: ( oh my god would you look at that butt its so perfectly shaped and thicc ) 

Dell: did ya say something soldier boy?

Jane: No sir! i was just thinking about teleporting important things

Dell: son, you stay away from mah teleporter last time with all the bread and that giant mutant thing, i dont wanna see a giant milk can walking around ya hear me? now why dont ya go bugger someone else, we dont have a mission today anyways

Jane: b-but i...uhm..wait.

*but it was to late Dell slammed his door shut and went back to sleep* 

*as Jane walked back into the hallway scout opened his door and spots jane walking looking kinda sad*

Scout: sup soldier? engi doesnt allow you to teleport anymore bread? or did ya lose that dumb raccoon of yours?

Jane: *rushes up to scout and grab his by his collar* LIEUTENANT BITES IS NOT DUMB HES JUST A MISUNDERSTAND RACCOON WITH RABBIES!! 

Scout: *shoves jane back* wow wo wo i was just kidding jeez you are a friggin crazy pyschopath with all the sudden screaming and neck snapping you do

Jane: whahaha you dont know how many people i have killed. compared to you i have killed 100x times more than you.

Scout: pfff yea i could say that to if i carried around a giant friggin crocket launcher..

Jane: son, you couldnt even handle this kind of weapon , its only for REAL man not for frilly girly excuses for guys like yourself.

Scout: whatever man, we'll see next time i would totally OWN you.