It was all about the bacon.
You don’t believe me? Pull yourself away from that addicting TV show you schedule your life around. For one moment stop filling your head with the invisible waves that tell you to put bacon on your ice cream.
If you are laughing you are doomed. The inability of any race to preempt danger is crucial to its survival. Did the dinosaurs sit back and watch the fireworks before they realized the party was getting out of hand? Apparently not.
Yes, I agree that bacon is delicious. Those crunchy sticks of salty perfection are so versatile. Crumbled or not, they add that je ne sais quoi. When did we realize that the consumption of bacon was a sneak attack aimed at our most primal need? And why would no one try the turkey bacon I offered?
The seductive powers of bacon were well reseached by the aliens. They watched us cure it, fry it, and add it in all sorts of creative ways to our cuisine. Tampering with the source was easy. And the slow spread of Mad Bacon Disease sealed our fate.
Those of us who survived are wedded to a vegan mantra, as is our progeny. We will do our best to rebuild this poisoned world. The challenges will be many. With fortitude and culinary creativity we will cultivate a garden and a world no longer dominated by the evils of bacon.
You have been warned.
