A feeling of something amiss.
A roadblock preventing me from participating in a world I admire and resent simultaneously.
Years of being tough,
years of crying alone,
finally took their toll...
This unexplainable feeling inside of me is evidence of that.
I must admit that my ability to trust is also amiss.
I cannot shake off the feeling of distrust.
I am so delicate and sensitive contrary to what I have people believe.
All I ever wanted was love.
Growing up and never receiving love or affection makes you appreciate it...
Some pursue fame
and some yearn for their names to be engraved in history
but me...?
I just want love.
my passions...
they pale in comparison.
She never leaves my subconscious.
My continuous daydreams prevent me from focusing at times.
Life has moved so fast and only rewarded me with betrayal.
I yearn for love because nothing feels warmer than her embrace.
I paint different pictures of me, for people so they cannot hurt me.
I let them believe what they want.
I let them see only a glimpse.
Sometimes the idea of it all gets too much like now,
and I let the salt filled drops run, I let them burn my cheeks as if they don't sting.
Falling in love for the first time was the hardest fall.
I was so trusting,
so blind,
I took every word for truth and was left shattered.
The victim was never a role I played well but a hole lives in me still.
Now with another and I forcibly shove my insecurities away, hoping that I have met my equal.
Having loved someone to the point where I would have done anything,
literally anything for them,
and still be cast aside makes me beg the question...
is the love I demand even real?
If not will I ever know to stop seeking this seemingly unattainable love?
