King ;; Jihoon

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Jihoon,

Do you ever feel so lost in your own thoughts, in your own world? So lost, that you feel like you don't know yourself anymore. Wait no, you really don't know yourself all along.

You were one of the friendliest person anyone could ever met. Sa unang pagkikita pa lang, you'll make them feel at home. Madami kang naging kaibigan, you were practically everyone's best friend. Or maybe you thought you are.

Highschool came, and you're still the bubbly, friendly guy everyone knew. You instantly made friends from the very first day of school, and that made you happy. Well atleast, you thought you were.

But then, you suddenly felt that you've changed. You became a shy person who doesn't want to interact with anyone. A person who became afraid of being alone, a person who's afraid of being left out by everyone. You never knew what's the reason behind your sudden change, but you insisted. You denied the fact that you've changed. You don't want to admit to yourself that you've changed. Because you don't want to change at all.

Senior highschool came, and this is where you felt so miserable. You became an introvert. You began to overthink things, even the smallest and pettiest things. You started to hate yourself, you became depressed. You felt so isolated, you felt like you're alone with no one to hold on to.

Mag isa ka lang naman talaga. Your Mom's away to work hard for your future, pero di mo yon pinansin noon. But now, it hurts so much. Ang sakit isipin na mag isa ka lang talaga, na wala kang kasama.

Yes, you cried for a countless times already back when you're still young, but today's different.

You cried so hard because your ex-boyfriend, Seungcheol, left you hanging just to pursue his dreams. You cried so hard after your another ex-boyfriend, Kwon Soonyoung, left you for another guy, the horse-ish Lee Seokmin. But today's different.

You're crying again, but it was more painful than before. A kind of cry which says that you want to give up already, that you're tired of every bullshit that you've went through. Your cries were screaming for help, yet you know no one would hear it, no one would bother listen to it.

The reason? Simple. You can't find your true self.

You're having a serious identity crisis. Others may think it's a 'kababawan' only, but you yourself know it isn't. It made you bawled, it made your heart breaks into pieces. It made you despise yourself, it made you believed that you don't deserve the love and the life you're having right now.

Lee Jihoon, you're strong. I know you are. But I know how weak you are too, and this is making you feel worst. I know you wanted to end your life so bad because of this. I know how much this hurts you, but you gotta be strong. Much more stronger than before.

But if ever you gives up, I just want to say that I am so, so proud of you. That you've done well, no, you've done great. You're a great person no matter how hard you are to yourself, and no matter how much you think everyone hates you.
You should be proud of yourself for coming this far. After all the bullshits and mishaps you have in your life, you still managed to survive.

I am so proud of you, Jihoon. We all are.

You've done great.

ㅡㅡ Sincerely yours,
Lee Jihoon.