Blackberries

A walk

It was a warm, sunny day. Birds were singing, squirrels were jumping from tree to tree. The sun warmed me thoroughly, as I wandered down a lonely road. Occasional walks like this were the only thing keeping me alive lately. They had quickly become the highlight of my day.

A lot of shit had happened in the last couple of months. I sighed, as I  banned any thoughts about them out of my brain.

As I looked around I noticed a few blackberry bushes close to me. I picked up a few. I wasn't going to eat them myself, no, I was pretty sure they're poisonous, actually.
I was going to feed them to some birds I found on the way. After I picked a few berries, I continued on my way. I soon found a nice spot with some big rocks to sit on. I sat down and started watching the squirrels jump along the trees. "Anne would love this", I thought to myself. Anne was my little six-year-old daughter. My wife would never let me take her with me though. She was so overprotective. Especially now. We had been arguing a lot lately. Since I lost my job, everything went downhill. I buried my face my Hands. She had threatened to file for divorce multiple times by now. "You have developed a drinking problem!", she said. "You're not a good influence for daughter!", she said. My eyes filled with tears I'm not I yelled and hit against the rock I was sitting on I jumped up and started walking up and down I didn't have a drinking problem. Life had just been stressing me out lately and alcohol helped me forget for a while. I could stop if I wanted to. She just needed an argument against me. I wiped tears from my face. I hadn't even noticed that I started crying.
God, why did I still love this woman? I didn't know. I just did. I guess it was also because of our daughter. I knew I'd never get custody over Anne.
I went on my way back. I went by the poisonous blackberries again, and intuitively grabbed some more and stuffed them into my pockets. I procrastinated going home, by taking the long route.
God, my life have been going downhill a lot. I lost my job, because I hadn't been going. I couldn't bear that place. I burned out like five times, broke down at home way too often. This place even made me suicidal. That's why I didn't attend just so I wasn't going to jump off the next building. But my boss didn't care. Neither did my wife. To be fair, I never told anyone about my plans to take my life. You can't expect people to read minds, can you? I let out a bitter laugh. Of course you can't.
I lit up a cigarette. I had started smoking too. I hadn't let my wife find out though. I would have to tell her eventually. I sighed again. I knew she only meant it well. She just wanted to help me. But no one could. I didn't seem like there was any way out. Like there's any reason to keep fighting. Though, no. There was one.
Anne. My little one. I couldn't leave her alone. She didn't deserve that. I took a deep breath. I was going to sort this out. I was going to fix my life up. I took out my phone and dialled well known number. Sirius. He had always been there for me with some helpful advice. "Hey", he picked up. "Uh, hey Sirius. Do you have a moment?" I stuttered. Sirius laughed "Always for you pal, what's wrong?" I grinned. He had always stayed the same, and he always knew way to fix a problem. So I started talking. I told him about the entire story. Words just came streaming out. I even told him about my plans to take my life. I knew Sirius wouldn't judge me. As I came to a stop, there was silence for a while. Then Sirius started talking again. "Dude, this is fucked up. No one knows about this?" "N-no", stuttered. I heard Sirius to take deep breath. "Okay, listen. You have to tell you wife about this. Sit her down, and tell her everything. And about your thoughts. Man, I don't know. Go see a therapist, this is serious shit man. And at last, about your job. You can find one. You're a smart man. You can do this. You'll see." While Sirius was talking, I had started crying again. "Hey, hey, it's alright. You'll be fine. No need to cry" Sirius said. He must've heard me. That just made me cry even more. I could do this! this was all fixable! "T-thanks dude, it means a lot." I stuttered. "Hey, no problem. Just call me if you wanna talk again. I'm here for ya." I smiled. Sirius was awesome. "Thanks. Again. Well, I'll hang up now. See ya" I hung up and took a deep breath, wiping away my tears. How didn't I think about this earlier?
My phone made a sound. Sirius had sent a message oh one thing I forgot you only have this one life use it. Wow I sound cheesy rn. Well, cya" I smiled and unlocked my phone. I'd text my wife that I want to talk now, so I can't not do it. "Hey honey, we need to talk when I'm home. You were right about me. I'll tell you everything" I pressed send. A few seconds later I received a text "Okay, I'm going grocery shopping with Anne atm. We can talk when we're home. Ily."I put my phone back into my pocket. I just wanted to laugh. Everything was going to be fine!