love comes in many forms

stray (monarisa)

Watanabe Risa had a crush.

Ah, so even Risa-sama is capable of such a feeling, huh—. That's what you might be thinking.

It took her quite a lot of time to admit that even to herself, too. But, as with a lot of other things that had happened to her since she became a member of an idol group, there came that point in time where she just had to accept that she wasn't always in control of her feelings.

And how could she be, when a certain cat-faced member had the habit of latching tightly onto her at the most random of times, for a reason as simple as a sudden whim to do so? When that same member would glance at her from up close with those large cat eyes of hers, and the intensity of her gaze would almost stop Risa's thought process altogether? Even when she would unconsciously lean into her when she's overcome with laughter while recording a TV show? That familiar warmth of the girl's body never failed to leave behind a tingle on Risa's skin every time they'd touch, no matter how fleeting.

Yes, the person she liked was Shida Manaka. To the surprise of... absolutely no one. Apparently, everyone had somehow figured it out before Risa herself had managed to make sense of her feelings. Everyone but the Manaka in question. A fact that largely complicated Risa's daily life.

Why? Because Manaka was a cat. An absolutely adorable, absolutely selfish alley cat.

Obviously, Manaka liked Risa a lot. But Manaka liked a lot of people. Like a stray cat would warm up to someone after they'd given it food, Manaka would stick to anyone who'd provide her with entertainment. She lived her life guided by her love for laughter, second only to her love for freedom. Her feelings of "like" meant nothing special, nothing that would tie her down, yet they somehow made you feel special anyway. Just like how you'd feel happy when a cat would let you pet it, simply being allowed to laugh along with this person made you feel like the sun was shining a little brighter just for you.

So when Manaka would cling to Risa or proclaim her affection for her, or even when they'd spend time together alone in a comfortable silence that could be achieved only by the two of them, that likely didn't make Risa particularly special. Because as soon as Manaka would be there pressing playful, lighthearted kisses to Risa's face, the next moment she'd be somewhere else, playing around with Oda Nana, doting on Techi, or maybe simply listening to one of those rock bands she likes on her own, blocking away the rest of the world with her headphones.

Risa didn't hate that freedom-loving side of her. In fact, she was sure that it was one of the reasons why she fell for her in the first place. But she couldn't help wishing for the cat to become hers alone. Wouldn't every stray want to become a pet cat to a loving owner, after all?

Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle to accomplishing that wish of hers was her very own personality. Tsundere queen, they'd call her. She'd just call herself dishonest instead.

Even now, in the dressing room after recording had finished. As per usual, Manaka had been sitting next to her during the show, and, again, as per usual, she had laughed a lot over those few hours they spent like that. She would lean into her, bury her laughter into Risa's shoulder, or she would accidentally aim one of those unrestrained hand movements into her leg and hit her hard enough for it to hurt, and seeing Manaka enjoying herself so genuinely by her side made a sense of happiness swell into her chest. Her laughter was as warm as the sun.

And yet as they returned to the dressing room, the sun stopped shining for Risa. Manaka had immediately moved on to teasing Miyu and Oda with that same uncontrollable laughter as before. Fuuchan joined in too, and so did Akanen. And it wasn't like Risa couldn't go there either, go with their flow, laugh with them. It was just that not even Shida's sun would light up the darkness of her jealousy if it didn't shine for her alone. So she remained on the other, cloudier side of the room, simply playing with her phone in silence.