Death knows no mercy, death won't come when you expect her more or less....you can't feel death.
Some people say that you can see death in the moment you die, a black suit coming for you, slowly getting you from your body, bot no, death comes in many forms.
Atleast in my case, death wasn't a black ugly suit, it was my lovely wife Bella. She came to me saying that I have to go home, that my little son, Josh, is waiting for me,and a second later I was gone, I was...home...
I've died too soon, to early, at a age of only 34, in a car accident.
I was talking on the phone and I couldn't see the other car.
Now....after all this time, after all this pain I've gone through, all the tears, all the screams, I'm just a shadow on the land of death. Forgoten by the sands of time, or God himself.
I don't know how my wife feels now that I'm gone, I guess she's in pain, crying every night before bed, waiting for me to kiss her. I don't know if she's still visiting my grave, setting roses in front of my name, carved in the cold tombstone.
I don't know if Josh graduated the 6th class...or if he still walks Rex on the alley we used to. I don't know if he misses his dad during the cold nights and the all mighty thunder storms we used to pass over together.
All the bedtime stories, all the tears, all the joy....I miss them, like I miss a hot summer day in a land where is forever winter.
I hope my only friend Neo is right.
I hope... he is still eager to fight.
I hope....
That there are no tears roling over his cheek when he's passing near the smell of coffe we used to drink.
He said he will always fight for me, and at my funeral he won't wear any jeans because he will wear a black suit, laying next to me.
In the land of pain and stuggle you can't do too much...there is no devil as everyone says because it doesn't even have to. After weeks,month, years of thinking at the pain you've caused, every prommises you broke, all the fake " I'll be there " said, you realise that you were the only devil all this time.
The road to hell isn't short, there are no skeleton horses waiting for you at the door of the room where the final judgement is done. There is no car, plane or boat...you have to walk, all by your own...
I wish I could walk on earth again, feel the street under my feet, kiss my wife once more and hold my kid.
But I am stuck, chained by my own actions, writing letters that will never meet their destination.
My wife, my son, my friend, my parents and my dog, I miss them all and I want them back. But not now, nor in a thousand years, I don't want them here, to feel like I feel, to feel the pain and sadness, no, I want them there, on earth, to live, to laugh, to feel the dirt.
My son is gonna be a wonderful person, he said he wants to become a doctor, my wife...she won't live in sadness forever, she will find another man....not for her....or me...but for Josh and his safety. She will learn to love again and forget the pain.
In hell you don't have your own private room, you don't take launch and never wash your teeth before bed because you just can't. All you do is cry, for the ones you miss, the ones you love.
I found miself a stone, at the edge of a crater, from which I can see the whole hell, dark as it is. I can feel the pain everyone has....I can hear the screams, but everyone does.
I just spend my time on that rock, writing letters on a paper that never ends. Every time I turn the page the letter dissapears and another one begins.
This is my finnal letter, to my loved ones,
I love you all and I miss you but please, don't hurry to come meet me 'cause I'll be here, I'm never leaving.
I know that probably alot of time has passed and you, Josh, are a wonderful doctor who can make dreams happen.
Bella, I pray that you are happy, Rex, I miss you buddy, Neo, you have always been my best friend and I'm still counting on you to take care of my family.
Please, make sure they're happy and together. I'll be here guys...waiting for the day we will meet again, even if I hope that this day will never come.
