I Want To Be Your Reason To Be (One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 4: Movies and Misunderstood Gestures

~Nicole~

I make sure the door to the bathroom is completely locked, and when I am sure nobody can intrude, I begin sobbing uncontrollably. Tears stream down my face, the hot liquid dripping onto the floor,  making a little puddle on the cool tile. Sure, Mum and I never got along well, but she is the only family I have left. I guess the fact that I'm pretty much all on my own is all too real to me now, and it's a very scary thought.

I mean, I have found great friends in Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn, and Jess and Harry have always stood by me, but I feel completely guilty for everything that has happened. It is slowly eating away my spirit, from the inside out, and I can't do anything about it.

I slide down to the cold tile floor and open my knife with trembling fingers, while taking a ragged breath. I roll up my sleeve and hold the knife above my arm gingerly, before reaching down and cutting a thin line on my forearm. That cut was for having no family who loves me, I say to myself, sharply intaking a breath as the familiar feeling of pain and relief washes over me.

Then I make another line. That one was for being fat and ugly. A few more tears stream down my face.

Then another line. For breaking apart my family. Some secrets are meant to be kept. And I made the mistake of not keeping them.

And another, deeper one for the horrid, indelible memories of those dark, cold, terrifying nights, when-

"Nicole? You've been in there for ten minutes! Is everything alright?" came Jess's concerned voice. I hadn't thought she would've cared where I was in her rush to go to the boys' room to watch the movie.

"I'm fine," I say in a completely unconvincing, shaky voice. Maybe by some miracle she won't notice it.

"Okay," she says, obviously not believing me. "They've been waiting for you to put in the movie."

I reassure her that I will join her in a minute. When I hear her footsteps fade away, I emerge from the bathroom after having splashed my face with some water and drying it off. Then I take some gauze from my suitcase and wrap my arm in it. I pull down my sleeve, put a forced, quivering smile on my face, and walk into the room where my friends are.

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The sight of my friends instantly makes me feel better, and the cutting helped relieve me as well. I notice Jess sitting next to Harry on the couch, and the two of them really do make an adorable couple. On the other side of Harry is Louis, who is cracking up with Sydney about something or other. Rose and Zayn are both sitting on the floor, staring at their phones and occasionally exchanging a few words with each other. I plop down on the floor next to Niall, while Liam pops the movie in the DVD player.

"I still don't understand why we can't watch Toy Story," Liam pouts, fumbling with the DVD case. I sneak a peek to see what we're going to watch. Titanic, Jess and Harry's favorite movie. Hmm.

"Because you always get to choose the movie, Lili," Louis retorts. He smirks when he sees the scowl that comes across Liam's face at the nickname.

"Yeah," says Harry. "Time you gave someone else a chance to pick." He winks at Jess, who giggles ridiculously. He is such a flirt, and she falls for it every time.

Liam scoffs and presses play and sits down next to me, quite upset. I can't help myself, I actually giggle a little when I think that he's upset that he can't watch Toy Story even though he's probably seen it three times this week.

There's a little coffee table in front of the television with a massive bowl of popcorn on it, my favorite! No one is really hungry except for Niall, Louis and I. But Louis is happily munching on carrots, so the popcorn is all ours! I do a little evil laugh in my head and then grab some popcorn.

***********************

It's an hour into the movie and Niall and I have already eaten five bowls of popcorn. And I am absolutely stuffed!

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom where I force myself to throw up. I wash my face and rinse out my mouth, and then look in the mirror. My legs are fat. Much too fat. I have a big stomach and I feel like I'm too short and fat to compared to any of the other girls in the other room watching the movie. I'm tempted to cut again, but I don''t have anything sharp to use. I study my body a little bit longer but it just makes me more depressed.

I start humming a familiar tune, a lullaby that my mum used to sing for me when I was little. I'm sure she forgot it long ago, but whenever I need cheering up, I hum it. I sit on the edge of the sink and keep humming the lullaby until I'm calm enough to go back out.

I walk into the room where everyone is watching the movie and say, before anyone asks, "I think I ate a little too much popcorn. I just got a bit of a stomach upset."

"Yeah," Jess says, "You two ate like 50 bowls. Nialler over here's been farting for the last ten minutes."

Niall blushes and sinks down, as if trying to disappear into the floor. Everyone else laughs hysterically. I walk to where I was sitting, and stare at Niall for a bit before I sit down. When I do sit down, I move away from the blonde, blue-eyed boy next to me, wary of his farting habit, but I give him what I hope is a sweet smile, and I reach over and pat his leg, rolling my eyes and smiling.

He smiles sheepishly and mumbles, "Well I think I'll go use the toilet now."

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~Niall~

I get to the bathroom and sit on the edge of the sink. I rest my head in my hands and a smile slowly appears on my face. Nicole had looked at me. And smiled. And touched my leg. And the best part is that it was almost flirtatious!

It may seem silly, but Nicole has always regarded me as, like, a best friend. Or a brother. But the truth is, I love her. I loved her from the moment I first met her when Harry introduced us. It's a huge cliche I know, but pretty much true.

I met her soon after our season of X Factor had ended. Harry hadn't seen her or Jess while he was on the show, and he wanted us all to meet each other, so he arranged for us all to go out to dinner. When Nicole spotted Harry, she began running to give him a hug, but the thin heel of her shoe got caught in a crack when she was about for feet away. Harry, Louis, and I ran to catch her and she fell into all of us.

I remember saying, "Well, you sure do know how to make an entrance!" She laughed her beautiful laugh, and when we got our food, it got even better. She was able to eat almost as much as me! And the more I got to know her, the harder I fell for her.

I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore, so I just sit on the sink for a few more minutes, smiling and thinking about those beautiful brown eyes.

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Okay guys that was it, tell me what you think, if you liked it vote/fan and please comment and tell me what you think will happen with nialler and nicole:)  k until whenever I update again, ttfn :* -Dani<33333333333