At the Corner of Random and Reads

Expiration Date

It shouldn't be too foreign of a concept, really. Milk has an expiration date. So does a box of crackers or a bag of chips in some cases. Why don't we?

Well, we do. Technically, everything has an expiration date, we just don't know it specifically. Planets and stars have expiration dates, too. It's just not written on their figurative foreheads.

Ours aren't either, but what if they were?

 ~:-:~

It's been a week since Clara jumped out of the third story window of our high school. We all knew it was her day to go, the digits on her arm had told us since kindergarten. Thing is, an expiration date doesn't tell you how it happens, only when. No one noticed her losing friends, no one noticed the scars on her wrists, and nobody stopped her from leaving us. Even if someone had noticed, what would they have done? It's meant to be, could anyone have stopped her anyway?

"Brady? Are you with us?"

I jerk my eyes away from the window she fell from and sit up in the chair in the room she jumped out of. "Yeah, I was just thinking about..." I've never been good with being put on the spot. "...M-my dog." Well that was pathetic.

The whole class snickers.

"Okay, well your 'dog' can wait until school's out. Right now we're focusing on radicals." Mrs. Colt turns back to the board and writes some problem with the monstrosities.

How can I focus on something as insignificant as radicals? Somebody I'd known for most of my life died seven days ago and I'm supposed to forget it?! I know I should be indifferent. Everybody else is. Death shouldn't be a concept that scares me anymore. We all know what happens when you die. Your body shuts down and starts to deteriorate. Nothing to be afraid of. Especially now that we can pinpoint the exact date when it will happen. I glance at the numbers and slashes that were the first thing I ever learned to read. Mine is quite a ways away, not for another 50 years. Can't help wondering what'll it be for me. Will it be a car accident? An illness? My eyes drift over to the window again. A suicide?

I'm torn from my thoughts by a buzz in the pocket of my jeans. Carefully pulling my phone out of my pocket without the Colt seeing, I see it's a message from my complete nut of a friend, Leo. 

< hey am i still comin over after school or do i need 2 call peta

I can see him grinning at me from across the room. Keeping my eyes as upward as possible so my teacher doesn't suspect anything, I quickly type a response.

haha very funny and yes >

His reply comes almost instantly.

< yes to which? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

With a sigh, I roll my eyes and text back a middle finger emoji, then put my phone back in in my pocket and try to make my brain comprehend the nonsense on the board.

As I walk down the halls after the last bell rang to the spot where I agreed to meet Leo, I feel the emptiness echo through them. I read a story once where a girl killed herself and her entire school went anti-suicide; there were posters on every wall, and events held in her name, and shrines in front of her locker and house. How different things were in that book. Nobody has even said Clara's name since she died. There's no emptiness to feel for anyone else. Why did Clara leave a hole? It's not like we didn't know it was going to happen. It's not even like I knew her well. What is wrong with me? Does anyone else feel the same way, or am I alone in this?

"Geez, you look more depressed than geometry makes me feel." 

Leo's echoing voice makes me jump. He must have gotten tired of waiting and come looking for me. How long have I been stopped, standing in front of Clara's locker?

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"What's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" I try my best to sound like nothing's wrong.

He looks at me like he doesn't believe a word coming out of my mouth. "Yeah, okay. You haven't been staying up late at night, you haven't been staring off into space like you're in a poorly directed music video, and you totally have been talking and acting normally. Face it, dude. You can't hide whatever it is from me."

I'm about to protest until the first thing he said hits me. "Wait, how do you know how late I stay up?"

Leo shifts a bit, then says, "Well, I stay up late gaming and I can see when you're still active online. Not creepy," he narrows his eyes at me a bit, "and not important. You can't change the subject on me, man. Whatever it is can't be that bad."

I sigh, then start walking. He follows. "Well, I mean, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it seems like it is..." With a nod from my friend, I continue. "So, I'm upset about Clara dying. And I know I shouldn't be, because we all knew it was her day to die. It's been common knowledge for as long as we've known her, so I should be okay with it. But I'm not. And I didn't even know her that well! How am I supposed to focus on anything when my classmate has died?! I-"

"Woah, woah, woah! Slow down, Brady." He stopped walking. "You've got it all wrong, bud. We all care. I had a crush on her for the longest time but was always too afraid to tell her. I wish I would've. But we can't live in the past. It's not bad to miss her. It's nothing to do with death, it's the same sadness we would feel if she moved away. It's the absence of a person in your life, Brady. You gotta learn to control yourself though. You can't tear yourself apart over something you can't control. You can't cheat an expiration date."

I feel slightly calmer after talking with Leo about it, and we continue our walk home with an easy conversation flow. However, one thing he said floats in my head. 

"You can't cheat an expiration date." 

But what if you can?

Later that night, I sneak onto the roof of our 10 story apartment building and study my date. Can I do this? Would it really be worth it?

After what feels like an hour of consideration, I decide yes. In the name of science and discovery, I will see if I can beat an expiration date. Before I can talk myself out of it, I step off the edge.

"You stupid frickin idiot."

I hear Leo's words, but I can't see him. For that matter I can't see anything. I try to take off whatever must be over my eyes, but I can't move.

"Was it worth it? Did you have fun figuring out if you can cheat your expiration date?"

I don't answer because I can't.

"Did you even think of anyone but yourself? Could you have been more selfish?!" Leo is angry, and rightfully so. "Now you're paralyzed and blind with significant brain damage. Though I'm starting to wonder how much of that was from your grand fall and how much of it was already a factor in it!"

Ouch.

He sighs. "I'm sorry for yelling. You can understand where I'm coming from."

Yes.

"Was it worth it, really? Are you done with your stupid angsty way of thinking?"

Yes, I'm sorry. I project my thoughts at him, or rather, the room at large since I can't see him, but he obviously doesn't receive my hopeful telepathy.

"If you don't get better, I'm going to tell the Colt to fail you."

I hear the door close. How could I be so stupid? What I did was straight out of a storybook, the actions of someone who is never written with any real consequences. Now I'm essentially crippled, and there's no undo button. I feel warm tears spill down my cheeks out of my unseeing eyes.

Maybe I'll stop obsessing over my expiration date, now that I can't see it.