the outsider

dear diary,

i have just come back home from school and today is just even worse than all the other day, today i just felt like killing myself because i just had enough of school and the bullies always bullying me for what i am its not fair its not as if i wanted to be this girl . my name is sarah and my life is just the orst life a young girl would ever want my mum died 2 years ago and im living with my dad but his never here but when he is here he never pays any attention to me hes always going out drinking and he smokes a lot and hes always bringing different girls home everyday and they all seem to be younger than me i hate him so much and i still wish that my mum was here atleast she would of taken care of me.

today at school these three girls the school bullies were being so mean to me and i just wnated to die but thats what bullies want for you to think . in the morning as soon as i got of the bus they were waiting for me outside so i told the bus driver to drive to the back of the school and that made me late for morning registration and i endend up get a detention all because of them , then at breaktime  they were waiting for me at my favourite place and i soon as i got there all three of them made a triange round me then they started to call me names and saying mean stuff about my mum and saying that she is all burnt in hell and that i will be like that when i die. they were swearing at me and everthing but i just kept silent then lucy whos tall blondish hear shouted at me saying why im not reacting then one tear just slowly ran down my face and i wanted to wipe but i didnt want them to see that i was crying so i left but they saw then all of them started shouting at me more and more tears came they were flowinng like a river my head started banging all i could hear were those big bells it felt like i was inside the bell and there was no way i could i could get out as they were shouting it felt like i was in a horror movie where there was ust people shouting screaming at me and i was drowning in my own tears , tears of horro i call them . then all i hear is the bell for end of break and only me could know the happiness that was going through my body and the anger at the same time i felt like i could scream out loud so the whole world could hear me but i didnt  i just quickly wiped my tears and ran for third period i had history and i loved history beacuse there was this guy in the class that sits next to me i've always had a crush on him since i've been to this school everytime i see him my heart just starts to beat so loud that its the only thing i can hear his eyes shine like the stsrs his hear a nice little cut with a design on the side with swirls and jeans are a bit skinny but baggy and this big shirt and nice sneakers and he was wearing this gold chain that his dad gave him. i try talking to him but everytime i open my mouth just to talk i hear this voice saying to me dont emberess your self  dont do it then he looks at me and says " yo u got a pen i can have " then i start to mutter and i get a pen for him and give it to him and while his grabbing it from my hand he just softly touches my hand and everything just goes silent and all i see is me and him holding hands walking down the beach then my dream was ruined when his girlfriend came and pushed me out the way and gave him a kiss then looked at me to show me that his hers and thats the way it will stay and all i could do  is to walk away and sit down and fear about fourth period which i have with lucy amanda and sophie and the fear just became even worse as i was walking to art class i walked up towards the door and my heart was beating palms sweating and my head was turning i felt like i was about faint then i ran straight down to the nurse and told her another white lie saying i have a headache so i stayed there till fourth period finished but lunch time was worse they came up to me and started pushing me from one person to another tears again running down my face and amanda was the last person and straight to the ground and i knew i started to bleed but i didnt want them to see i was so i stayed on the ground but it just got worse and they started kicking and punching me and the last kick was so painful it felt like it was in slow motion it felt like getting a bullet straight in the head but obviously i dont know what that feels like but i know it feels terrible my heart just stopped and it felt like i stopped breathing i thought my life was over i just layed on the ground and curled up into a ball and cried then they ran i dont know why then all i could see was sneakers that like duwaynes and i thought i was dreaming but i wasnt , he lifted me and took me to the nurse he was going to stay but annie came in started shouting at me saying " SO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST PRETEND TO BE HURT SO HE CAN GIVE YOU SOME ATTENTION WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU YOUR SUCH A B***H WHY DONT YOU JUST DIEEE then more tears came and my heart was just starting to tell me why dont you just die there is nothing for you in the world.then i got my chance to kill myself so i got e of those injection and i slowly raised my hand and at the same time crying and i slowly lowered my hand but the nurse turned up and said to me " whats the matter with  you if you have a problem just shout till it goes dont do this no one wants you to die"