My Experimental Game - McFly - Pudd/Slash - 18+

Prologue

"Well...will you?" His blue eyes looked up at me expectantly as mine were probably as wide as they could get. I was actually speechless. His face that was moments ago full of happiness and excitement was starting to show signs of nervousness. I opened my mouth to speak but the only thing I could find to say was,

"Is gay marriage even legal?" I realised my voice was a whole octave higher and cleared my throat. What was wrong with me? Until now I just assumed I wanted to spend my life with the man down on one knee in front of me. But this was too real.

"Yes, of course it is." He laughed, awkwardly. He was still holding the ring in its box in front of him, the box shaking slightly in his grasp. The ring was gorgeous. A deep brown one half and a dark silver the other. "Dougie..." he prompted.

"Can I think about it?" I finally said. He looked hurt, as he slowly closed the box and got up from kneeling down.

"If you have to think about it, then I guess I have my answer," he sighed, turning around as he went to walk away.

"No, Harry, wait." I caught up with him, digging my hands into my coat pockets. The air was so cold, that said it was a winter's evening and we were stood along the coast. "You just...caught me by surprise, that's all." I assured him, reaching out for his arm to stop him walking off again.

"If it were a happy surprise, Doug, you would've smiled and maybe got a bit teary," Harry snapped, "not looked at me like I asked you if I could kill your dog!"

"Babe," I laughed slightly, mainly out of nerves, "come on, this is a big step."

"I thought we were on the same page, Dougie," he whispered, tears in his eyes.

"We are, I just...I love you, you love me. Why can't that be enough?" I asked.

"I want more, Dougie. Just because I love a man doesn't have to mean I can't have what every other couple has." He slowly took a seat on a nearby bench. I stood and watched his glassed over blue eyes scan the horizon for a moment.

"I know." I took a deep breath sitting next to him. "I just...Harry, you're the only man that I've ever loved. Hell, you're the only man I've ever even been attracted to. Don't you think that's a bit...weird?" I wondered out loud more than anything.

"Dougie, I'm the only man asking you to marry me." He pointed out.

"I know, I know..." I was getting frustrated that he didn't see my point. "But don't you think, if I was gay, then I would at least fancy other men?" I asked, "I mean, don't you fancy other guys?" I turned my body to face him better.

"You know I only have eyes for you, baby." I gave him my 'don't lie to me look' and he rolled his eyes. "Ok, fine. Sure, I'm attracted to other men." Harry stopped, "Anyway, what's this "If  I'm gay?!" bullshit? I can think of many occasions that you, Dougie Lee Poynter were most definitely gay." He snorted. I blushed, knowing exactly what times he was referring to.

"How do you know you don't like women if you've never slept with one?" I asked.

"The same way you do, and the same way straight men know they're not gay even though they haven't slept with a man." He chuckled slightly. "What has gotten into you, Doug?"

"You're the only person I've ever had sex with, you're the only person I've ever been attracted to. God, we were only kids when we met. How do we know that this isn't just an experiment that's gone too far?"

"Dougie, how could you say that?" Harry whispered, and I could tell he took my words the wrong way. "I thought we were past all this 'gay is just a phase' shit in high school! We've been officially together for 10 years now. 10 years is hardly an experimental amount of time." He was right. For the longest time I was comfortable and happy. I'd had people my whole life tell me I was gay, or call me a fag. Other guys would tease me and Harry for our friendship because we were so close, yet we didn't hang out with other boys in school. I guess I just accepted the fact that I probably was gay. Harry had been my best friend since I was 8, I was so comfortable with him, so at home. I knew I loved him and I guess I never thought about HOW I loved him. He was the only relationship I'd ever known. Recently, I couldn't help but wonder if I tried being in a relationship with a girl, if things would feel different. After all, the thought didn't make me feel uncomfortable. And I thought it was meant to.

"I've just, never even kissed a girl before. I can't help but wonder..." I stopped myself. I didn't want to upset Harry even more. Harry took the ring box out of his pocket again and slowly handed it to me.

"Maybe this is too soon. Maybe you're just freaking out. But I love you, Dougie. And I know you love me too, so maybe when you get more used to the idea, you would like to wear it." I opened the box slowly to reveal the ring again. It was even more gorgeous up close.

"It's dinosaur fossil. I thought you'd appreciate that." He told me softly. I nodded. He knew me so well, why couldn't I just say yes like a normal human? Why couldn't I shake this feeling that maybe I wasn't gay? It was ridiculous to think like that after everything I've been through, everything I've done...with a man. It was a silly idea that I needed to shake out of my head. Harry leaned forward and kissed my lips softly. "I'll see you at home. Take your time." He whispered gently before leaving me alone with my thoughts, and a box of failed plans.