The Edge of Forever

Prologue

Prologue – These Four Walls (Little Mix)

Dear Lexi,

Here's what you've missed. The day that you died, your mom was so broken that she wasn't even sure she remembered how to cry. She just sat there, holding onto your hand, and staring down at the body that used to be yours. Your dad was guilt ridden. He put his arms around your mom, and when she didn't shake him off, he stayed like that until the nurses made them leave. He kept whispering the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again, and I don't think your mom even heard him, because she didn't say it was okay, but even if she had heard him, they both knew who he was really talking to. And Ryder, he hid out in the bathroom for hours, too afraid to picture a world without you to leave. He sat in a stall and cried silently, by himself for the first time since he could remember. He didn't know how to be alone, and all of a sudden, he was.

Your mom started to cry when they left the hospital. Your dad drove home, and Ryder went to his room. It was four in the morning. And your mom and dad sat in the living room, and held hands, and cried until the sun came up.

Then, your mom picked up the phone and started to make the calls. She called your grandparents first, and they didn't say anything for a long time, before they finally apologized, and hung up, only to cry together in their house, because you were their granddaughter, and they weren't supposed to outlive their granddaughter, that was never part of the plan.

Then, she called Nate. He picked up right away, even though he had been asleep. Your mom told him, and he said he was sorry, and your mom said she was too, because she knew he loved you, and he said it was impossible not to. When she hung up, his cousin walked into the room, and even though he'd never given Nate so much as a handshake before, he held onto him for twenty minutes straight while Nate sobbed into his shoulder.

Sebastian spent the night at Ragan's house, and the two of them had sex for the first time. The next morning, they went for breakfast, and on his walk home, Sebastian tried to call you to gossip about everything, because you were the only person he wanted to tell, and you didn't answer. When he got home, his parents were sitting at the kitchen table, and right away he started to cry, because no, you were fine, you were just fine a few hours ago, you were just here, and there's no way you can be gone. But you are. And he sat there with his parents, and it was that moment that he decided to tell them he was dating a boy. Because if you were gone, then the impossible could happen, and they could forgive him for anything. And they did. They just hugged him, and he cried because in one night, he'd lost both his virginity and his best friend, and he couldn't turn off the emotions, they just kept pouring out of him until he couldn't breathe anymore.

Maya got up late that day, and walked down the stairs with a glow still in her cheeks. Her mom, who she'd never seen cry, was weeping at the dining room table, and she pulled Maya into a bone-crushing hug, and just whispered the words, and Maya sat down on the floor, and curled into her mom, and for the first time, she just let her feelings overwhelm her. And she was scared, because she didn't want to face the world without you, she didn't know how anymore because you had become a part of her.

Then, she called Toby who had gotten up at 8 when the phone rang. And he came over to her house to be with her, and they laid on her bed together, crying instead of kissing, and thinking about you instead of each other, and it felt like the world was closing in on them.

Adam and Juliet were together when they got the news, and they cried for so long that their eyes got red and swollen. And then, Adam sat down at his keyboard, and played a song for you, because he knew that maybe he wasn't your closest friend in the group, but he still loved you anyway, and he couldn't think of any other way to make the hurt go away.

And then Monday rolled around, and all of their parents offered to let them stay home from school, and they all said no, because they needed to see the other people who understood. And school was quiet and somber that day, because even though nobody else knew yet, it just couldn't be bright without you. They found each other in a back hallway, and everyone hugged everyone, and they all cried, and then they sat in a circle, and it was missing someone, and it felt so wrong and incomplete, and then when they all thought they might not survive it, Nate reached into his bag, and he pulled out his laptop, and they went onto youtube, and watched the video that Sebastian had posted of you in the haunted house, back when you were new at the school, and even though you were still adjusting, they all already knew that they would love you forever.

They watched it over and over again until it started to get funny, and Adam was the first one to laugh, and when he did, they all started to, and the warning bell rang, but they couldn't move because there you were, and they knew how lucky there were to have been a part of your life. And then they laughed and cried at the same time, and it hurt, and it was sad, and it was beautiful, and it was everything all at once. And then after a while, they got up and went to class, because you would have wanted them to, and the announcement came on in second period, and they had a moment of silence for you, and during that minute, each of them smiled down at their desk, because they thought about how amazing you were, and how much they loved you. And after it was over, they all went back to crying, because it was hard, but for just a minute there, they got to laugh with you, one more time.