The Thing About Us

I don't believe in soulmates.

To believe in soulmates is to believe that out there, in the world, somewhere, probably in many somewheres, there are people who are holding hands with, hugging, kissing, and saying "I love you" to the wrong person.

At the same time though, believing in soulmates presents the idea that one also believes that fate exists and plays a hand in this game. But if fate exists, how can someone still believe that people are out there right now loving the wrong person? To me this is a fallacy in the thought process.

No, I don't believe in soulmates.

But, I do believe in love. That's something different altogether.

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For example; I have loved you, every day except one, since the day you first spoke to me. I loved you when we "dated" in sixth grade and I loved you when we broke up. I loved you when you gave Her her first kiss, and she gave you yours. I loved you when I finally told you I did, and I loved you still when you didn't understand.

I don't think you'll ever really understand it, but I can't not be in love with you. Or at the very least it's incredibly difficult to try. Painful really.

I used to think that every person could fall in love in that super cheesy, can't live without you, standing outside your window with a boom box, screaming-it-into-the-void kind of real love. Then, I grew up. I realized that those loves are for dreamers who have the time, and kids who love freely and have it returned every time.

Real love when you're not one of those kids is...well, marriage. And marriage is weird. Marriage is love lived, returned, grown, and checkered, but it is never love lost. At least when you do it right.

Here's the thing though. I think you and I can do both. And I think we'd never grow tired of each other. And I think that even if you never hear me say it, or we ever stop talking to each other, I'll always believe we could be the cute old married couple all the supermarket employees always talk about and hope they'll be like one day.

I once wished for that so much it squeezed my lungs. For now though, it's easier to just not tell you, and wish a little less because of it. Because for all this talk about soulmates and fate, I think it's so much more satisfying to simply believe that love exists for a reason.

That being said, there is really nothing left for anyone to do about all that love in between all the you's and all the me's.

Except maybe love a little more, just in case.

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I love you, KP. Just for the record.