Secret of his Silence

How do we go on?

The rain beat against the glass door and turned our yard into a mud field. It reminded me of that heat wave when we had a mud wrestling tournament. I vaguely heard mom call for me to get Perry ready. With a sigh I pulled open the door to get the animal.

So maybe it wasn't raining, rather the sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, and not a cloud in sight. No, it wasn't raining but it should be, how could the world be so happy on this dreadful day? I found Perry by the tree and brought him inside. I wish I didn't have to go, I wish there was nothing to go to.

After a few minutes the whole family piled into the car. Ferb was last in, he spent the whole ride fiddling with the buttons on his tux. What was going through his head right now? He hadn't said a word since we left tue hospital three days ago.

We pulled up to the gates all to soon, Sacred Hearts Cemetery I read on the cracking side. There was already a small crowd in front of the newly dug grave. Mom and dad went over to her parents to offer what little comfort they could. I couldn't believe that we were here at Erin's funeral.

The priest soon started with the ceremony but I tuned him out and scanned the crowd. Other then my family and Erin's parents there was an old couple standing in the front of the crowd who I assumed were Erin's grandparents. A couple of the other families on the block showed up even though I knew they had never said more than three sentences to Erin. She had no real friends besides Ferb and I because school hasn't even started yet. Then there was him, Erin's doctor. I remember him well.

We all stood from the waiting room chairs we were in when we saw the doctor coming down the hall. Immediately I knew it wasn't good news. "I'm sorry." He said causing us to break out into tears, all except Ferb. "The tumor was aggressive and had grown quiet a bit. She wasn't strong enough." I silently cursed him, what right did he have to say how strong Erin is... was.

Her parents each got up to say a few words, though their speeches were inaudible through their sobs. I didn't blame them. No truer words were spoken than those of King Theoden from The Lord of the Rings "no parent should have to bury their child."

Her grandparents got up next. Their Italian accents made it hard to understand what they were saying but basically her grandmother cried and said "my baby" over and over again, while her grandfather cursed god for taking away their only grandchild.

My mom and dad said a few words. Even though Erin came over every day they didn't know her that much. Her doctor said how she was a fighter and explained her tumor. Then a few of the others stepped up and gave their generic condolences.

"I wish that there was something I could have done." Candace said when it was her turn. "I should have been watching you better, I was in charge. It's so unfair that you should be taken from us. With your voice and your personality you could have gone far. I just wish you had the chance." She put her hands on the wooden coffin in front of her and looked to the sky. I saw her determination through her tears. "I swear to you," she shouted, "I will do everything within my power to bring your dream to life. I won't let you be forgotten."

When it was my time to say something it suddenly dawned on me. Erin was gone and never coming back. She would never ask what we were doing that day with her toolbox already in her hands and a smile on her face. Never would her, Ferb, and I make a three part harmony on a song to pass the time. Never would her and Ferb sneak away together, they would never end up together, her future is gone.

I must of opened my mouth five times before I got words to come out and then they were more then a craok as I fought back tears. "What do we do now? How do we go on without you, Erin? Why did you have to leave?" Then I turned my attention to the mourners infront of me. " I didn't know Erin for long, and even if I did it would never have been long enough. I do know one thing about her though, she wouldn't want you to cry. She wouldn't want you to waste your time. If you want to honor her memory go out and build something, do something new everyday. Fallow your dreams and don't stop until you make them come true, whether they're becoming a singer or an inventor, raise a family or climb to the top of the political ladder. Heck, stop evil or take over the tristate area if you want, just do something. That's what she would want you to do."

I went back to Ferb who was staring blankly at the coffin on the ground. Not only has he not talked since Erin's death he also hasn't acknowledged any of us and worse of all he hasn't yet cried for her. Soon we were all throwing dirt and flowers, hydrangeas her favorite, on into the grave. Candace stood up and started singing. Listening to the song I felt new tears sting my eyes.

Ferb and I were the last ones to leave the cemetery. He kept rearranging the flowers surrounding her gravestone. A smile pulled at the corner of my mouth when I read the epitaph. 'Carpe Diem' it was short but summed up all that Erin was about. Live your days to the fullest, you never know when you time will run out.

Seize the day.

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Take Erin's advice and go out and do something.  

Tell me what you think, there's only one more chapter before this story is put to rest along side Erin.