When You're Ready (A Luke Hemmings Imagine)

When You're Ready; Chapter One

       "So how have you been, Luke?" the interviewer asked me. This is my first time being out in public for about six months and it hasn't been an easy six months. My bandmates looked at me with caring eyes. Calum started to pat my back as if to say "It’s okay", but it didn't feel like I was okay. "I have been okay, I guess," I lied, "I have been at home mostly," I responded after about a minute of thinking of what the right words were to say to this question. Sure, I have been asked it about a thousand times by my parents, friends, and siblings, but it has never gotten easier to answer. "I suppose I would do the same if I were you," the interviewer said back, "but what have you been doing for that time?" 

        I pondered that for a bit, and I am sure the interviewer is getting tired of me not responding right away, but I don't know what to say and there really isn't anything to say. "Well crying for starters," I chuckle as I say it, and it shouldn't be funny, yet at the same time I can't help but laugh and the boys chuckle with me so I feel a little better about the situation, "but I also have been writing some new songs, so the fans will love that, and I guess I was just trying to get myself back together."

        "Are you close to getting yourself back together?" He questioned. He sounded as if he knew the answer just by the way he used his voice, just like the voice parents use when they know you're lying. And I didn't like the condescending tone he had, but I guess that is how interviewers are, it has been so long so I don't know if this normal, but it has to have something to do with me in general. I am not myself and he knows this. He may not know me personally, but he knows that I am not like this and I know that too. 

        "Close, but that could change, and hopefully for the better, but as of right now I am focusing on myself and my music. I don't know when the songs will get recorded, but I want it to be soon. I have missed how I used to be with the boys and I am sure they miss the old me too, and I will get close to that point, not on the dot, but close enough to be normal, and that in itself will be an accomplishment." The words just seemed to ramble off and I didn't even know I was saying the words until I was done. He looked at me confused, like he didn't think I could say the words I just said either, and yet, there they were, said and done, out in the open, and I am glad I could say them.

        "So, can you tell us about Allie? Like, the story of your love life, if you're ready I mean. We never got a full story about her and I am sure people want to know more about her, like we know what happened to her and how it happened, but what was she like underneath all of that?" And this was what I dreaded about this interview. I knew this question was going to come up, and I still was not prepared for it. I choked up and let out small sobs during his asking of the question, and he slowed his words because he probably didn't know how to react himself, but he is asking me about Allie-the girl I am in love with, and the girl I cannot be with anymore. It was time to move on, but I didn't want too. I took a breath and started talking, my voice shaking, "How much time do we have?" I asked, finally able to breathe again.

        "Well, since we are recording this for later, we can make it into a special? I don't know how long you are going to take though," he told me.

        "I could go on for days about her," I said with a smile.

        "He could, trust me. She is all he talks about, and he tells us as if we don't know what happened," Michael interjected. 

        I looked at him, "Sorry, Luke, I know talking about her is making you feel better," he said. I wasn't hurt by it though, but maybe my face said different. 

        "Well, we can make into two specials if it comes to that," the interviewer said with a chuckle.

        "You might have to make it into thirty specials," Ashton said, which caused everyone to laugh, including me. Laughing was such a foreign sound to me, and when it happened, the boys all looked at me as if I was somebody else, and I really hope that that someone else is the old Luke coming back.

        "Okay, Luke," the interviewer said, looking directly at me with sorrow, "do you want to tell us the whole story?"

        I stayed silent again. I am sure that all this silence will be edited out of the television airing of this interview because who wants to watch someone not say anything when they are being spoken to – nobody. Maybe talking to someone who doesn't know the whole story would help me, someone with different faces expressing their sadness, happiness, and grief. Sure, the boys are a unbelievable help, but they know everything, and sometimes that blurs you're ability to help someone. This interviewer may have not been my first choice to tell someone about Allie, but the moment is here, and to be honest, I doubt I could tell anyone about Allie without some sort of prying, which this guy is doing. He is prying it out of me by pretending he cares, which he may care, but at this moment I don't care. The fans have been asking how I am doing, and they need to know the whole story. They need to know the real reason I am in mourning, and maybe they can mourn with me, and help me in ways I never thought could help. It is worth a shot.

        "Well, if you're ready I can." and then I started.