Dear Abby,
I miss you so much. Words can't even begin to explain it.
When I was eight years old, you were one of the only people who would talk to me at church. We had such amazing times then. You were so random and happy and giggly, it was infectious. I don't know when those days stopped, but i really wish they hadn't.
For awhile, I never talked to you. I would see you here and there, and we would share a smile, but that's about it. Now, I wish I would've gone up to you and asked you about life and then you probably would have made me laugh, like old times. Then I went to middle school and since you were two grades behind me, I never saw you. When you were in 6th grade and I was in 8th grade, I saw that you had changed. You were kind of to yourself, and now I really wish I would've said something.
The next year was my first year in high school. Exciting, right? At that point, I never saw you. The year went on, and then came the day. That dreadful day that I will never forget. I can explain the whole thing as if it was 10 minutes ago.
March 17, 2011. I was in French class, working on pictures for some "Go Fish" game we were about to play. I was drawing a raccoon, and when I starting drawing the second one, I got a text from my sister. I looked at it, and it said "Abby hung herself last night. Wow." The image of those words are permanently engraved in my mind. I started shaking and I couldn't breathe. I looked around and no one was looking at me. Then one of my friends saw me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't say anything. Nothing would come out. I showed her the text and that's when all the tears came, and they never stopped. I saw my sister at lunch and we cried together. Why is it that when you're crying, everyone looks at you like you've lost it? Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at us, but nothing could stop the tears. The day went on and the crying never stopped. After about a week and after your memorial service, I finally stopped crying myself to sleep.
I think about you everyday and I always think there was something I could've done. I blame myself a lot. I should've went up and talked to you. I cry a lot. My mind can't stop thinking about you and sometimes I wish you were here to be all random and tell me a joke to put a smile back on my face. Then I realize that that's not possible and it hurts even worse. I wish those people hadn't been so mean to you. Maybe if they just treated you like they wanted to be treated, you would still be here with me.
I made this AgainstSuicide account for you. You inspire me to help save other people who are in your situation. I hope you're proud of me. There have been a few people who have found out about my reason behind this account, and they're mean to me. They say, "Why are you helping other people if you couldn't even help your friend?" That makes me so upset and sometimes I start to believe them, but I know this is what you would've wanted me to do.
While I'm writing this to you, I'm crying my eyes out, but I really needed to write it. I miss you and your beautiful face. I can't wait until I'm in heaven with you and we can spend time together like we used to. I'll still be thinking about you every day. You're in my mind forever. Thank you for inspiring me in so many ways. I love you so much <3
Carrie <3
