Amnesia: A Song Fiction

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

        He wasn't fine. Not at all. There wasn't a day he wouldn't feel the all so familiar pain in his heart. Thinking about you made him want to punch a wall. Not that he never did. He loved you a little too much to forget about you. Even though he had tried so hard. He met a few nice women, but they never compared to you. Heck, he was even desperate enough to hook up with a whore. He just wanted so badly to get rid of the pain you had inflicted on him.

        If it was eternal, he didn't know what to do. He had always asked the same question to himself everyday, though. Was your relationship even real? Did you really love him back or were you just playing pretend? If you had loved him a lot like what you used to say to him everyday, how the hell could you be fine? How the hell did you not feel the same pain he had? Once again, he just sat there on the bed. Not moving. Not doing anything but cry.

        He was definitely not fine.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the makeup running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them
Like every single wish we ever made

        The memory of you telling him you had to leave was still fresh. Even if you had ended it months ago, he could never forget about it. Once he sees something that reminded him of you, the memory would replay itself over and over. It's like your photos were it's trigger. Right now, he was scrolling along the photos on his phone, but as he reached the top, he saw a photo of you. A photo you had sent a few days before you decided to leave. The memory had once again replayed. You marched downstairs with suitcases held in both hands and a backpack slung on your shoulders. The makeup you had just did earlier was running along with your tears. You told him you had to leave. That was all. Without even glancing back at his still stunned figure, you left with your car.

        All those wonderful dreams he had thought you both were going to fulfill, like owning a house facing the Pacific Ocean, was what he was left with. Soft sobs escaped his lips as he just stood in front of the wide-open door, thinking you were just pulling a prank that for once you weren't failing at. Hours had passed and he gave up. He just sat on the bed you both had slept on. Where you both made memories on. What happened to you wishing for forever? He wanted to give you that, but have you given up? What happened to you wishing for a family with him? Did you suddenly just lose interest in him? It hurt him so bad, thinking about your break-up.

        As horrible as it sounds, you had ruined him and all of his future life.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

        He knew that wishing sickness upon him was the worst thing to do, especially since his mother had once lectured him that he got the better life unlike those who were born ill or are ill forever. His mom told him he should be thankful for that. But that happened years ago when he wished he had fever so he wouldn't go to school. This time it was different. He wasn't just wishing for it. He wanted it. He tried about everything to make him forget. Forget about all the stupid little things you both had done. You both had enjoyed. Like when you both would just bicker all night and suddenly just fall asleep in eachothers' arms. He wished he could just burn the bed since everytime he'd try to sleep, he would just remember you. An inescapable hell.

        It pained him to see your face in his mind, but open his eyes to see nothing but thin air. It really pained him, it really did.

        The next few days were the same. The next few months were the same. It was about six months since the horrible event. It still haunted him, though. And he hated it. He got skinny and pale and had dark rings around his once so beautiful eyes. They were once very beautiful. Once so full of hope. Too bad he lost them. Lost them because of you. He wasn't that sad about the break-up as much as before, and all he was, was upset. He was a little mad at you for ruining his life. For leaving him without giving him the reason as to why you did. But beneath the hate he still loved you. With all his heart, too. It was really hard to forget about you since every space and every corner of his gloomy house reminded him of you.

        He used to not know what to do without you, but that was months ago. He knew what to do now. He wrote a note. Not for you, but for his pals. After writing, he sighed in content. He walked towards the door to the outside world, and turned around. The lights were all turned on for the first time in months. It looked bright and happy, something he was not, but he wanted to be for now. He sent a text to his friends saying to come see him at his house. They all agreed and said they would be there in about ten minutes. Just enough time for him to leave.

        He opened the door and put up the hood of his jacket, and ran to the port which wasn't that far. When he arrived, no one was there. But to make sure, he went to the farthest side where no one would see him and what he was about to do. He took his phone for the last time and saw text messages from his friends asking him where he was. He replied to them with one simple word. "Leaving." He looked at his lock screen and saw the picture of him and you on your first day. The first day you both started dating. He smiled, also the first in months. He set the phone down on the ground and stood still. Taking a deep breath and feeling the sea breeze graze his dry, pale skin. He was happy. Just for now.

        "Goodbye." he said for the last time, a smile plastered on his features, and jumped in to the deep blue ocean.




‘Cause I’m not fine at all