Emotions

Blue

I watched as he stared into the space above. His ocean eyes matched with the wide blue sky.

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I remembered those sorrowful nights when I was lonely and lost. It was like falling into a dark hole, unable to escape. I was stuck in there while everyone else was out of reach. It was difficult to even feel anything. Numb. Time passed by and yet I couldn't do anything but lie on my bed like a corpse. Food became tasteless, everything was pointless and I was sure nobody liked me. It was haunting me, not willing to let me go. I felt trapped by my own irrational thoughts. I tried to live with it and told myself that it was probably who I was. Years of suffering and hopelessness turned my life into a living hell. I thought I would forever be in this state...

I kept experiencing that nightmare until I decided that I could not deal with this anymore. I was tired of being depressed and feeling absolutely nothing. This was killing me from the inside, this was not something I could control and this was not right. I searched for help from others and started to take care of myself seriously. I tried to eat well, stay hydrated, go to bed early and even take regular showers. Simple things like that could make such a big difference. The next step was therapy and medicines. I did everything I could to get out of that stupid black hole that was sucking my happiness.

And then there was a man who stepped into my life so inadvertently. He made me feel so lovely as if I was the most important thing in the world. In his world. His presence alone pushed the darkness around me away. When shadows cast, he would hold me in his arms and bring me comfort as we soaked in the dim fairy lights. He would say nice things like "You're special" or "You're amazing" and they always warmed my heart. After eighteen years of my existence, I had finally found my best friend. Someone who would be there for me no matter what.

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I got lost in his eyes for a moment. You could go swimming in those eyes. They were unusual and iridescent, as if the colour didn't even exist. They were like the summer sky after the rain or the deep sea that dragged you in. They were like forget-me-nots gleaming under the sun. There were hazy shades of green and yellow as well that I could not help but noticed. It would be a tricky question if someone asked me what the colour of his eyes was. 

I was drowning in the blue.

Suddenly, he turned back to me and looked into my eyes as he smiled. His smiles were always gentle like a ray of autumn's sunshine. He was so beautiful. Unexpected warmth rushed through me and I could feel the heat growing in my cheeks. The summer breeze tousled our hair, reminded both me and him of the calm silence. Neither of us decided to speak. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and laid my head on his chest. I closed my eyes to listen to his steady heartbeat. It's a place to forget whatever the world had to do and I felt safe from all of my insecurities. He was soft and warm like-

"I want to be your best friend forever." - He broke the quiet. 

His words echoed in my head. What did he say? Forever? Being with him for the rest of my life was a dream. I could grow old with him, I could be close to him, I could learn how to love him like the way he loved me. We could do whatever we want, together. It's a wish that I had never thought would come true. I bet he didn't know that he was all I ever wanted and needed...

"Me too" - I replied. - "You are the most fun I've ever had."

He smiled at that and held my hands to lift me up. - "The war is over, Dan. Let's go home."

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A/n:

1. I realised that Phil's name was not mentioned. I guess I didn't have to. 

2. As a fanfic, this story is not truly realistic. I want to address that fighting against depression is not easy. It takes time and it can happen again. However, for now, the war is over and that is what matters.

3. I really need to claim that I referenced the video "Daniel and Depression" a lot because I didn't know what depression felt like. Although I could have just given up on writing this, I still wanted to stick to it. I am sorry if I made a wrong description of depression or if I offended anyone. If you have depression, please understand that it is an illness and you don't have to fight it alone. You can get better. There is help out there so go for it. Talk about it. You deserve happiness. :D