NamTae: Esxistentialistic Circumference

1

 it's three a.m. when namjoon goes for a walk.

it's three-o-two when taehyung stops him.

'do you think aliens invented the pyramids of egypt?'

it's a simple enough question. namjoon walks towards taehyung and lies next to him on the ground without questioning him.

'not really.'

'then where did they come from?'

'i don't know.'

'maybe the aliens dropped them for us because we, as a human race, are stupid.'

'that makes sense.'

taehyung looks at namjoon for a moment.

'i'm taehyung.'

'namjoon. aren't you cold?'

taehyung nods.

'cold enough though that i can't really feel it anymore.'

namjoon moves so his jacket is off and over taehyung's front, then takes his legs and covers whatever skin shows where his shorts end.

'thanks.'

'continue with what you were saying.'

taehyung points up at the sky, clear and littered with dots.

'that spec could be a whole other galaxy.'

'yeah.'

'why would you want to grow up here as a human?'

namjoon shrugs.

'i don't know.'

'it's just- it's like- you're a kid, that's the only good part of being human. then you get older and older and everyone throws all these things at you and suddenly life isn't fun anymore. life starts to cost money and time and energy instead of being a kid where life costed nothing but your existence in the world. and then you have more kids and you watch them enjoy that small sliver of existence before they realise it. and then they have kids who are now your grandkids and you get to watch one last generation enjoy existence without payment until you die. so why would you want to grow up as a human?'

'there are good things about being an adult.'

'like what?'

'i don't know.'

'you say that a lot.'

'well, it's true, i don't know. but i'm sure there's something, somewhere.'

taehyung grabs namjoon's hand and holds it, body heat transferring.

'life is pointless unless you make it so it isn't.'

'i think you might just be lazy.'

'that could be true.'

'money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys me cookies and that makes me happy.'

'money you don't use to make yourself happy doesn't buy you happiness. some copper, nickel, silver, and paper won't change your dopamine levels unless you use it to make yourself happy. but therein lies the problem, life costs you money, and time to use the money, and energy to pick out a time to use the money.'

'what do you do for a living?'

'i work at target.'

'so would you quit your job?'

'no. work and bills are the only consistency in my life. and everything it comes with, food, water, taking care of myself by showering, using the bathroom.'

'and everything else?'

'the flow takes me where it may go.'

'sometimes i don't eat for days.'

'sometimes i don't sleep for days.'

'going with the flow.'

'the flow is what drives the human race. we strive to fit in, but when it's just me, myself, and i, your brain directs your flow differently. when you were a little kid and told you were gifted because you could do multiplication better than all the other kids and you were thrown up a grade. and then you get older and you have knowledge of the basics of the world, but no social aspects. and the other kids who you've grown up with in your generation have learned socialisation before knowledge of the basic world. and when you come to be an adult and you watch all these people party and drink and fuck, you think it's ridiculous because all you've ever been taught and ever known is world knowledge. and they think your knowledge is dumb because all they've ever known is socialisation. but the world in and of itself has adapted to accommodate both types of people, knowledgeable and sociable, picking them from bunches and figuring out ways to integrate them into society in order to survive as an adult, paying money, time, and energy rather than living as a kid with no cost forever and ever until it just isn't fun anymore.'

namjoon blinks.

'you're right.'

'i want a milkshake.'

'i can make a milkshake.'

'life is meaningless, but in the right moments, it can make it so it isn't.'

'let's go, i'm going to make us milkshakes in my apartment.'

taehyung hums and looks at namjoon.

'i love you. life doesn't seem meaningless when i look at you.'

'that's why love is so important. it drives the human race into their flow, which flows us into habits, likes, dislikes, experiences, people, places, things. dopamine levels at an all time high are the times people see life as completely meaningful. in depression, when dopamine is low, that's why life can be meaningless. a moment ago you had told me life was meaningless until you looked at me and you decided life was meaningful. love drives the human race.'

'that must be one of the good things about being an adult.'

'it is. and the thing is, it's a constant. from when you're born to when you die. humans deprived of the emotion don't know how to keep love constant, but humans who've had it constant are able to keep it constant. they have to learn later in life.'

'love is driving me into the flow of wanting a milkshake still.'

'then let's go.'

'i love you.'

namjoon smiles.

'i know. it's what drives the human race.'