this one's for shits and giggles
--
"I'm going on a date with Toby," Lydia tells Emmett.
He chokes on his brownie, "Toby? As in Toby Martin? That Toby?"
Lydia smirks, "Who else?"
She knew it was a good idea to tell Emmett about her date with Toby. Ever since she forced Emmett to confess his obsession for Gossip Girls through methods of which cannot be spoken out loud, she knew she would be able to put the information to good use. Sure enough, in a few minutes, people were murmuring and spreading the news.
Their conversations went something like this:
"Hey, did you hear?"
"I heard that our Queen Bee's going out with someone."
"Yeah, Lydia's going out with that Martin guy."
"No way! I thought she was Allisexual!"
"So did I!"
When Laura had approached her earlier that day during lunch, asking if the rumors were true, Lydia only leaned back in her seat, folded her hands in her lap, and laughed evilly in her head, it's all going according to the plan.
*****
A few minutes into the date...
"So," Lydia attempts to make conversation, after, and only after, she's finished eating her dinner, because damn that was delicious. "What are your goals in life?"
"Well," Toby Martin says. "I wanna become a pro skateboarder. I wanna be the very best! Like no one ever was-"
"Lemme stop you right there, hotshot," she says. A few minutes pass in silence, until Lydia realizes he's staring at her expectantly. "What?"
"Weren't ya gon say sumthin?"
"No. I just wanted you to stop talking," she replies candidly. The boy gives her a dumbfounded look and Lydia scrunches up her nose in a cute way as she thinks, how can two people with the same name be so different?
When the scrawny freshman finally figured out what to say, it was so horrifyingly stupid that for the sake of the readers, it had to be censored out.
"Oh, shut your trap," Lydia reprimands, equally surprised and unsurprised by the idiocy of some people. "You can't say stuff like that, because 1. I'm fab and 2. our Creator is probably reading this as we speak."
"Our Creator?" Toby asks, tilting his head to the side, giving him the look of a shaggy-haired puppy. Poor Toby, oh, poor, poor Toby. He had no clue what he'd gotten himself into when he agreed to go on a date with Queen Bee Lydia Huntington ii.
"Yes. O wise and powerful Creator, please do not listen to the squabbles of this mindless peasant," Lydia got down on her knees and began to chant, "C-R-E-A-T-O-R. What does that spell?"
"It spells 'shut the fuck up', you weirdo!" yells some random jerk in the restaurant.
"Who said that?" Lydia put her laser eyes to use and disintegrated the culprit.
"Da fuq?" the freshman says, a little freaked out. Yeah, he should be. "'Aight, I'm outtie before shit starts hitting the roof, 'cos last time I couldn't figure out how to wash it out of my hair and had to shave it all off-" he continues to talk about his life story, which, incidentally, no one actually cares about.
Meanwhile, Toby walks out of the bathroom with his pants zipper not zipped up all the way (purely accidental by the way, totally not a farfetched attempt to impress Allison). And it's not the pubescent pizza-face Toby, no, it's the sexy musical aficionado Toby that we all know and love (especially you, Allie, don't deny it).
