In a personal experience of feeling love with no boundaries, I will admit that I have made a lot of mistakes. I feel in love with a boy two years older than me, naive 15 year old me falling for his charm. He would make me feel special and wanted, especially after so many years of bullying and feeling like a no one. I feel in love with a boy who didn't give two damns about my heart. He cared about reckless nights, not small talk. He cared about seeing my body, not seeing my art work. He cared about everything future, not anything present. I was oblivious to various things throughout our short term relationship.
What was love?
Love was me spending nights rehearsing what to say to him when I'd see him.
Love was me feeling my heart beat going a million miles when he'd touch me.
Love was risking my parents love for his love.
Love was being blind in it.
I was so in love with this boy, I didn't care to think twice about sending nudes. I didn't care to think twice that alcohol was not good for me. I didn't care to think twice about the consequences.
To not go into detail about my relationship, let's just say my parents were devastated to find out what their fifteen year old daughter had done because she'd fallen head over heels for a guy. I ruined the trust my parents had in me, which was a lot. I was trusted to go out late, trusted with their passwords, trusted to stay after school, I was their one trusted person. I remember the tears on my father's face as my mother told him what she'd found out. But heart ached for the guy I loved, not that man who really loved me. My parents brought it to the police and I was told I had to tell them everything. The detective told me "do not contact him, at all." But not even a cop scared me, because as soon as I could that day, I let the guy I was in love with know what had happened that day. I deliberately went against, not only my parents, but the authorities. But for what? love?!
That wasn't love, that was wanting love. I was desperate to feel love. SO what is love?
I'm not that much older than from when this happened, but I've learned something about unconditional love. It's dangerous and if you don't watch your steps, you'll be digging yourself a big hole with no rope to climb out.
I've learned that love is what I feel for Brandon. I feel a fast heart beat and weak legs. I enjoy every second I am with him. I laugh at his witty attempts to make a joke. I tease him for being so dumb. I can feel his heart beat beating a million miles an hour when I'm in his arms. Now that is true love.
I've learned.
