Harley Quinn (Harleen Frances Quinzel) - Monologue - Defining Mental Instability

With Stage Directions:

(Harley sits on a chair behind a table. She's currently in a mental institute and one of her doctors sits infront of her on an opposite chair. Her hands are cuffed and her bat is leaning against the doctor's chair. She is also chewing her all too familiar gum.)

(Harley looks at the chains around her wrists with great fascination.)

Hm? Oh, you talkin to me. (Beat.)

What do I define as mentally unstable? (Laughs.) 

Are you asking if i'm crazy, mister? (Beat then nods vigorously.) 

Because I am. Oh yes I'm probably one of the most psychic gals you'll ever meet. Do you know a lot of girls, mister? I bet someone as big and strong as you must have plenty of girls at your feet. (Leans forward.)

I could start at the feet too mister. I'll just work my way up. (She gets 'pushed' back to the chair.)

You don't like me, sugar? Oh yeah, yeah. I can be serious (Makes a fake serious face.)

Wait we're still on the stupid unstable question? I already told yah! I'm crazy as a baby penguin in a lion's den! (Suddenly a bit more serious.) 

Well how was i supposed to know you wanted me to tell you what I think being crazy meant. Crazy is... Jumping off a building! Oh! No, crazy is driving into a lake! That's fun! (Suddenly looks deeply troubled) 

But I cant swim! (Beat.)

Why do you wanna know so badly what crazy is?

D'yah know what would be really crazy, mister? (Lifts up her cuffs.) 

Oh come on! You know you wanna! Just give me the damn keys then- (Gets cut off and pushed back onto chair.)

Crazy? (Shouts.)

You aint seen crazy, honey bun! (Gets pinned to the chair.) Come on lemme go and i'll show yah!

(She gets strangled but she laughs loudly whilst choking. After a beat she pretends to choke to death and the doctor seems to walk away, panicking. Harley stands up and takes the bat, swinging at the him and knocking him to the floor. She laughs and taps him with her shoe. She bends down and takes the keys, unlocking her cuffs.)

Was that so hard, huh hun? (Her head tilts and she is both joyful and disturbing. She beats him once more and readjusts her hair.) 

Aaaw you don't look too good, mister. (She goes to lie down next to him. A beat and then she turns her head to him.) 

Could you stop groaning please? And just lay still wouldya? I wanna ask you a question. How would you define mental instability, mister? Is it when a therapist goes to fix a person, and ends up becoming the person instead? (She grows serious.) 

Or when said therapist promises her heart to a murdering psychopath who leaves her behind in the dirt? Is mental instability defined by our actions or our definitions? (Beat, she grows lighter again and jumps up.) 

I really don't know. What about you? You've been awfully quiet, honey bun. Insanity? I personally think its something a person is born with. You just need the right circumstances or people to unlock that part of you. We're all a little insane, mister. (Taps with foot.) 

Okay, get up. I'm bored. (Beat and she's annoyed.)

Come on. Use those big strong arms. Why are you still laying there? I said get up (Taps with bat.) I'm not finished! Don't close your eyes! (Kicks him.)

You don't get to be dead yet! Don't leave me! (Starts beating with the bat.) I need you, mister! Open your eyes dammit! You won't leave me too, I won't let you! Don't. Leave. Me! 

(Falls to her knees. Slowly eyes the bat and then looks up.) How do you define mental instability?