When You Were Never Mine

Denial

Growing up, you had been told to be patient. Wait for that moment when you would see what stories had built up to be the greatest moments of one's life. That moment when your future would be as clear as day, when your soulmate would be found through an unbreakable bond; when emotions were strong enough, true soulmates could see what the other saw as if they were there themselves, as if they were living it too. You were told that it was maddening problem at first, taking the attention from what you were really doing at the time and stealing your attention away to watch something that didn't really even involve you. But you were also told that it was exhilarating, feeling like you were a part of them when you couldn't be together. You were told to be patient, because it would all be worth it.

But you never really were one to excel in patience. Especially when something you wanted was right in front of you and within reach. You began to believe that soulmates weren't all they were built up to be, and waiting was no longer an option. The prospect of missing out on something that you know you wanted by choice was far more untenable than the prospect of waiting for someone you might never know.

"You know what? You're the only person that I trust to drive me anywhere," Tony smiled, watching the scenery fly past as you maneuvered his obnoxiously orange Audi along back roads towards the city. His chin was resting in his hand as he leaned against the arm rest, with his other hand resting lazily on your knee. The two of you had spent the weekend up state, looking at the viability of his father's storage facility to be turned into a new home for the team; after the insane Chitauri battle in Manhattan only a few months before, he had developed a new distaste for the city that bombarded him with memories that he didn't want.

"You lie so hard," you scoffed, eliciting a sharp gasp from him, "Happy just drove you to HQ last week!"

"Okay, but that's his job. I meant purely for pleasure. Alright, fine, how about this? You're the only non-employee that I let drive me anywhere."

"So, when Rhodey drove you and Clint to have lunch with Fury, that was what?"

"What the hell, (Y/N)? Who's paying you to spy on me?"

"No one, sweetie, you just suck at lying, like I said."

Tony slowly pulled his hand back and away from the warm home it had found on your leg, turning his body in his seat to fully face you with his arms crossed almost defiantly. "You're the only woman that I let drive me anywhere. Is that better? Specific enough?"

"Dangerous territory, Stark. Playing that card is never the way to go," you answered with a toying smile. "You're teetering on degrading an entire gender of people that I know you have a particular fondness for."

"More like a dangerous gender," he quickly retorted, "you'd think I'd know better by now."

"Right? I thought you were a genius-" you stopped abruptly, when your vision flashed into a scene that wasn't really yours, though it felt like you were right there. Your foot slammed down on the brakes with a squealing pitch and the car swerved, but JARVIS was thankfully ever-present, able to bring it to a safe halt before you left the road.

"What the hell?" Tony snapped, his hands grabbing for the dash to steady himself, and his senses screaming for him to get out of the sudden death trap. "(Y/N), are you okay?"

With your eyes slammed shut, you shook your head, trying to clear the sights away, but when you opened your eyes again, they were still there, just as plain as day. What you couldn't see, was whose eyes were showing you the scene as it played out, as they stared down a face of a man that you had just barely come to know.

People are gonna die, Buck. I can't let that happen. Please don't make me do this.

"Tony...have you..." you panted, trying to catch enough breath to speak, "have you talked to Cap...?"

"No, why? He's in D.C. Fury relocated him when he signed on with SHIELD."

You shook your head again, trying desperately to will the images away, but they wouldn't let go. Your stomach began to churn as the scenes faltered and swayed, as if they were flying without support; when your sights changed to see nothing but open sky and debris falling in every direction, your hand jutted out to clutch Tony to keep yourself steady, though you hadn't moved an inch.

"Honey, tell me what's going on," he practically begged, but you couldn't reply. Instead, he decided to take action, jumping out of the car and hurrying around to your side, throwing the door open to reach in and lift you to him. With much more care, he brought you to the passenger seat and gently set you down before sprinting back to drive. "JARVIS, call ahead, I'm taking her in-"

"No," you managed, "I'm...I'm okay...but Steve..."

"J, you got a location on Rogers?"

A tense few seconds passed before JARVIS spoke again as he searched through satellite images to find his one specific target, but he was able to get at least enough to calm your nerves just a little in the chaos. "Captain Rogers is still in Washington, sir. He appears to be in distress, however, though he has been pulled to safety for the time being."

"He pulled him out of the river," you sighed in relief. "Oh, thank god."

"(Y/N), please, you've gotta talk to me here, okay? You're freaking me out, and not in the good way."

A few hundred miles away, another man was freaking out, and definitely not in the good way, whatever that actually meant. He stared down at Steve, lying on the bank of the Potomac at his feet and coughing water from his lungs as he struggled for air. He knew him, his mind screamed at him, trying to make him understand, but the voices weren't loud enough. They didn't make sense. The Soldier, who this man called Bucky, turned and looked out at the wreckage, with nothing left of SHIELD or Hydra, and nowhere for him to go. Suddenly, a mind that had known only one purpose so clearly and for so many years was freed and realized that it knew nothing anymore. It was terrifying and liberating.

But with one last look down at the Captain, Bucky stopped, his vision flashing with images that you were seeing; the full connection was made as he came into his own mind, and what he saw nearly dropped him to his knees.

It was the face of a man he had known years before, though it looked much younger somehow. The last time he had seen those eyes, and the fearful pleading within them, was on a desolate dirt road twenty years before, on December 16, 1991.