When You Were Never Mine

Connected

The two of you had barely met each other's gaze through your connection, and he turned and ran from the room. It was a jolt that took your balance as you watched, with the motion not being your own; grasping the sink to steady yourself, you hoped that you could convince him to stay just a little longer, or at the very least, walk slower before it made you vomit.

"Bucky, wait."

"We have to find a way to stop this," he argued under his breath. His head was lowered as he pushed his way towards the museum doors, desperate to see the open ground to run. He had been trained to run before being caught, and this was no different. "You have to forget this...forget me. You never saw me, do you understand?"

"It's not like I can control this any more than you can."

"Figure it out. You're calling me a name that I don't even know, so how in the hell am I supposed to have a soulmate when I don't even have one myself?"

"You have a soul, it's just been pushed away," you tried, "Steve told me about who you used to be. You're a good man, Buck, you just don't remember that you are."

"Forget. Me." he continued to argue, only now his voice was much darker, and felt hollow as it echoed through your mind. He was being purposeful in his coldness towards you, with the audacity to think that it would actually stop you. "The only thing that knowing me will bring is pain and trouble that you don't need. Focus on Stark and forget you ever saw this face."

"Buck-"

But that was the end of the discussion. When his voice had changed, so did his emotions, and he was able to shut himself down to convey the distance he needed. Without emotions to feed the connection, there was nothing you could do; if you weren't both open to receive each other, then he might actually get his way, and you might never see his face again.

Thankfully, you knew that Steve had completely different plans and this was far from over.

~~~

What you hadn't planned on was that it would be nearly two years before you'd have the chance again. With SHIELD gone, it brought Steve to live at the tower with the rest of the team, and the two of you were able to give the search for his friend more attention; he even had Sam working on leads with him. It became more difficult to follow them, however, with Tony in such close proximity, and with the three of you running out of reasons to take a jet out so frequently without the team being called to actual missions. After a while, Tony stopped asking, but you knew that all it meant was that he was paying closer attention and didn't need to ask anymore.

But then, a break came. Not a good one, mind you, but a break that allowed you and Sam to run with enough freedom to follow what could be your first real lead. For the first time, Tony's attentions were about to be filled to their breaking point with the next crisis, and JARVIS wasn't going to be around to babysit.

"If I knew it was going to be a firefight, I would've called," Steve smiled, joining Sam as they climbed the stairs at the tower towards where you were waiting for them; watching the team celebration from the level above the lounge, your gaze fixed on Tony so firmly that you were surprised he couldn't feel it from across the room.

"Oh, I'm not actually sorry," Sam laughed in return, "I'm very happy chasing cold leads in our missing persons case."

"Hey, Sam."

"(Y/N), you're looking lovely tonight," he greeted, taking a stand next to you. "Why are you up here alone? I figured that Stark would be parading you around and showing you off to everyone all night."

"I told him that I had to run to the bathroom, but that was about fifteen minutes ago so I'm sure he thinks I might have died. You two are late."

"That's my fault," Steve offered, "but we're here now." He lowered his voice and moved to stand on your other side, looking out over the room as he spoke as to be as inconspicuous as possible, though completely failing. "Where are you two headed next?"