I love you..
Whether or not you'll ever know, I do, have and always will. Sent to protect your heart and mind because you couldn't yourself.
We met the unfortunate afternoon your father uttered, "Your mother has cancer.."
Whether or not you could feel my presence, I laid beside you as you wept. That day and every night after, I did. Begging for a cure or help of any kind, you swore no one could hear. But I did. I promise, I'll fix this..
In every class, I sat beside you as they called you those names. Glaring at the bullies, I felt your heart break, over and over, day after day. Each and everyday I walked with you to school, watching the tears fall, knowing you never wanted to set foot back in that ugly place. I promise, I'll fix this..
You began to hurt your perfect skin, slicing it end to end. You sank to the bottom of the tub, sobbing, wanting this all to end. I sat on the floor, listening to your cries. I did the best I could, why do you think they never scarred? But I promise, I'll fix this..
The day you found out your father became an addict, stealing pain killers from your mother, you wondered why your sister and you weren't enough, why he stopped loving you. I've never seen you so angry, so hurt. I promise, I'll fix this..
I remember the night you tried to leave the world, enough sleeping capsules in your stomach to kill a full grown horse. You wondered why you couldn't fall asleep, why you didn't die. It was because of me, your guardian at the end of your bed, but it was a close call. I need to fix this..
But to do that, I made your world worse for a while, as I searched low and high. Moving you hundreds of miles away, to a home your mom happened upon 'randomly' online. You were certain your world was ending, you even tried to leave it again. But once more, I sat with you while you puke the poison up.
I remember our last day, sitting next to you on the bus. For the first time, I was actually sadder than you, for this was our final day. I dreaded the wait until break, when you'd finally worked up the courage to make a friend.
The first and only time you ever felt my presence was at that moment, you met your soulmate. The tingle in your chest, the instant you decided never to self harm again, that was me. I searched everywhere for him, the man to love everything 'wrong' with you.
Slowly, I walked away. Watching you genuinely smile for the first time in years. Though I must leave, since you no longer need me and you'll never know what I've done, I know you are grateful. I told you I'd fix this..
He, like me, will love you forever.. I promise.
