A non-mainstream gamer guesses the plot of games

Overwatch: Character Overview (Part 1)

Due to incoherence issues and the fact that this game is basically capture the flag, I am doing a character overview. All I know is the basic goal of the game (CTF) and the character names, which I had to google. I thought Tracer was just a dude with a nice butt. TMYK.

This will be in two parts due to time—sorry about that. I've done 12 today and the rest will be done tomorrow. -Znuxaji (aka PixarPizza)

Tracer The first thing you will notice is her ass. That's also all you'll notice. Too bad: she's gay. And not a virgin. And she is also not playable because none of these deal with actually playing her or her skills or abilities.

Widowmaker The French side ho. She doesn't give a shit and just wants a baguette. Absolutely useless despite being a sniper and probably the most useful if used right. Hates Tracer.

Hanzo Lots of weeaboo's mains. Supposedly a healer but absolutely useless. In fact, if you had to fill a slot with a useless character, it looks like Tracer might be preferable.

D'VA The Overwatch version of GamerCat. Hella good and not interested in your shit unless you're better than her. Does not like or is a direct rival of Mei. Probably has the experience codes from Mountain Dew and Doritos. 

MEI Basically Elsa from Frozen, but with puns. Decent aim. Headshots a lot of people. Sometimes lets you suffer though instead of killing you.

SOMBRA Small lurking Spanish hacker. Can be summoned by simply saying her name. Friends with Reaper. Awesome hair.

MERCY Fragile healer who is either drastically overly or drastically under appreciated. I honestly can't tell. Won't stop screaming about how heroes never die but also won't stop letting others die.

GENJI Brings a sword to a gunfight. Doesn't get along with Mercy until he turns into a Sith.

MCCREE The Cowboy. Little sense of humor. Fastest draw time in the Overwatch universe. If you hear "It's High Noon" just kill yourself you're dead anyways.

DOOMFIST* Can use a hammer fist but isn't ambidextrous and melees with the wrong hand, so useless as melee and only for close range. Also his countercharacter is useless? Because they don't take into account that he can break through barriers?

PHARAH Likes JUSTICE. Is useless without Mercy. Useless hackable tank. Reinhardt and Sombra hate her. Him? Dude with boobs? This isn't clear.

REAPER Overpowered edgelord. Is or was a ginger. Secretly a cat person. Friends with Sombra but only because she can blackmail him easily.

DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NEVER PLAYED NOR WATCHED OVERWATCH. So far I think I'd like Sombra? She sounds a lot like me.

*so I made a typo and typed in "Overwatch Doomfish Memes" accidentally and I highly recommend it . Also, there was no clear content on him? He's either new or completely frigging useless.