I'll Be Around

Chapter 1: The City that Never Sleeps

It was a starry clear night. I generally like staying up late. Nights are quite, perfect for our souls to break their chains away and fly freely in the realms of the moonlight. Mostly, there's no agenda or requirement for being up all night. Waiting for the sunrise was always my favourite although. Even when I was very young I would wake up early for the sunrise.

Sea Tower rooftop had one of the best sunrise in whole of Tokyo. The rising sun inspires me to start a fresh day. It is the perfect time to ponder over the smaller yet the most important things of our life, perfect to end things, to start things and plan and reflect on your life while taking in fresh air.

But that night was very different from others. My head felt heavy from the hangover from Joseph's party. I took the support of the railing and leaned lightly over it to look at the still bustling streets of Tokyo. The city was moving as fast as it could. No breaks. No breath. But my life was slower than usual in that moment.

"And now?"

Farhad said in a tone that confused me. There was a hint of sarcasm. It seemed as if those two words poked hard into my heart. I had totally forgotten that he was standing there and what had happened. I closed my eyes to think. The headache was messing all of my thoughts. I couldn't think of anything clearly. I just wanted that moment to rush without breaks, without any breath and leave me alone. But I had to say something. Anything. I focused my mind again.

"We part our ways?" He said again.

The silence was making it worse. I didn't want to part to be true. There were no personal reasons. In fact, it would have been unjust to myself. But standing at the crossroads of life, I couldn't do much. I opened my eyes. The city was still moving. It didn't care about me. About us. I had to go along with it. Rush. Without breaks. Without any breath.

"I'll see you soon. I promise." I muttered as slow as I could.

My voice was cracking. It seemed as if something was trying to strangle me to suffocation. I looked away to hide my tears. The Sun was about to rise and the very first sun rays were shining into my eyes. The headache was getting worse. I couldn't hold myself together. I was trembling and uselessly clenching my fists to gain some control. It was all in vain. I was on the verge of complete physical and emotional breakdown. I still had gotten no reaction from Farhad. What would he be feeling? Maybe Farhad would be very angry at me. Farhad had severe anger issues I remember. It was impossible to predict the outcome of what I had just said. To some extent, I was regretting uttering those words. If that was not enough, the headache was becoming more and more severe. Every sun ray seemed to be stabbing my temples.

Suddenly, I felt something on my hand. I gathered some focus only to notice that Farhad had come closer and held my hand from behind.

"You don't have to do this. Give us some time and we can make this work." Farhad said in my ears. His voice seemed low. I had never seen him in such a mood. Farhad was one of the most cheerful persons I had ever seen. But there was something about his voice in the moment which was saying much more than just what he meant.

I wiped my tears and turned towards him. My eyes took some time to focus on his face. Farhad had the most beautiful face in the whole world. He had puppy eyes and skin so soft that even cotton would feel jealous. I could see tears building in the corner of his eyes too. It was evident that he could hold his tears better than me. I felt immensely guilty for bringing us in that situation. But at the same time, I felt so helpless. I pulled him into a hug. I couldn't face him for long but I still wanted to be close to him. He wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his breath in my ear. The warmth of his face soothed my neck. Farhad always smelt amazing. I could smell his favourite cologne. It was such a familiar and reassuring smell. I buried my nose in his shoulder. I wanted to let my shivers die out in his embrace. I almost let out a gasp of relief. He tightened his grip around me. I could just be there forever like that with him.

I could still distinctly remember the first time we hugged. It was the sports festival of our college in 2012. Our sports festival was one of the largest in India and drew crowd from all over the country. It was my first time seeing such a large college fest. The excitement was shooting across the skies. The whole campus was decorated and the guest lineup couldn't have been better. I had made sure to invite all of my school friends for the festival. I also felt excited about hosting my friends from school.

I picked my friends from the train station and took them directly to the ongoing football match in the Sports Complex. The sports complex was booming with the cheers from the audience. It was a cold but sunny day. There were only a few seats vacant here and there. However, we somehow managed to find some good seats in the sun. The crowd was cheering for the upcoming teams. My friend suddenly signalled me towards some guy and said,"Look there. He's the captain of our college team." I squinted my eyes to see a boy standing a few feet away from us. The boy had a tall, lean body and his long hair fell on his face while he rummaged for something in his bag. My friend called him towards us. That was the first time I saw Farhad. He had the most intimidating personality and a beautiful face. I'm sure he wouldn't have even noticed me standing there. And yes! I was standing already as if welcoming a celebrity. The boy beamed with such confidence that I was in complete awe already.

"Hey Farhad! Meet Ansel. He's my friend from school."

That was highly unexpected. I was taken aback a little. My face swelled to a shade of pink and my mouth fell open. It could have been the sun as well but I choose to think otherwise. I advanced my hand for a handshake fearing that anything else would be awkward.

"Hello Ansel!" Farhad beamed at me. I couldn't even gather the courage to reply in words. I just stood there with my hand forward and mouth still gaping at the sight of the Greek God.

Farhad looked at his hand and flashed it to me to show that it was wet. I realised how foolish I looked in that moment and pulled back my hand. Suddenly, Farhad pulled me into a hug. He engulfed me into his big arms with his long hair falling into my face. My heart had never raced so fast. And forget butterflies, I'm sure what were flying in my stomach were dinosaurs. I was so sucked into the feeling that whatever happened after that moment is still a blur. I couldn't stop smiling to myself feeling like I had just been declared the king of the world. I never would have guessed that that day would mean anything.

But that day of sports festival was long gone. We were on the rooftop of Sea Towers in the city of Tokyo far away from that sports complex. These six years had done a lot to us. If that day had begun everything, this could be the last time I was meeting Farhad. And I had to take a stand. I had to explain.

"I'm not doing anything, Farhad! It's the time. It's the world. They are saying something to us and I've learnt to believe in the omens." I said still in his arms barely managing to complete my sentences.

Farhad pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. His gaze pierced through me. His eyes were asking so much. But I had no answers.

"Ansel! I have to say something before I go...."

"There's nothing more to say, Farhad. We're making it more difficult..."

"...I love you, Ansel! I always have and I always will."

His words froze me right there and then. My heart stopped and breathing became impossible. It felt as if my bones were fusing to become an immobile mass. I was rooted to the spot. I couldn't even move my eyes. It took me a couple of seconds to even register what he had said. My frail body and mind, in that condition of intoxication were refusing to respond. By the time, I could even decide upon how to react, Farhad had left.

He loved me! He always had and he always would. It was so confusing. If he did indeed love me then why were we in that place in the first place. I checked my phone. It was 7 AM already. The city was awake and bustling again. Tokyo, in fact, never sleeps but it became hyperactive during the day. I was still thinking about what I should do. I dialled his number. His phone was lying on the roof itself. He must have left it here intentionally while going away. I was so shocked that I didn't even notice him doing that. I think I had dug my own grave this time. I was stuck inside, alive but nobody to call out to or ask for help.

I looked down from the terrace. The city was bustling with people and traffic. Farhad could be anywhere. There was no way I could find him. The city had sucked him in away from him. And I was still standing on the roof looking at the city moving so fast wondering about what had just happened. The sun had already risen way above the horizon. This sun rise was totally different. It dreaded me for it didn't mark end of just another day. It marked the start of probably the longest day of my life.