The Wallflower

Rain and Sunshine

In a dull, monday morning. I am upset for I did not see a glimpse of the sun ever since my eyes fluttered open from a good night sleep at home until now, here in what I call 'prison'. Oh how I wish to see it to atleast brighten up my day even just for a bit but the world is against me just like always. The bluntness of this day adds up to my depression, I stared outside the window, keeping my attention to what was beyond in this cold glass window beside me, waiting for some miracle to happen, though I do not know what kind of miracle I am asking for.

Two droplets of water that came from the dark skies were crawling down on this glass, followed by a few more droplets which I cared less to count anymore until a lot of of them began to fall. Sighing at the grave scenery, the rain always puts me down, lower than what was enough.

My life is nothing but a dull existence and the weather is making it even duller..

I am Han Areum. I am a fearful students and I label myself as ' The Ugly Loner.' a nickname of mine which can be heard from the mere people surrounding me. Somehow, I am an introvert. I am shy, I am a stuck up, I am antisocial. I am a person who cannot stand small talks...but I'll talk about life for hours. I'd rather be alone with my own thoughts or in a crowd where no one will or can notice me rather than facing the risks I could encounter, I have trust issues, hard for me to open up to someone because form what I believe in, Its impossible find a perfect person to trust.

A thunder had suddenly roared after a lightning that flashed from a distance, arousing the fear which I had eversince I was young. Causing me to jolt on my seat while emitting a light gasp. My sudden motion troubled me, I might have caught someone's attention I did not seek. but when I turned my head to the side as slowly as possible, fortunately for me, no one had noticed. The crowd inside this classroom are all too busy minding their businesses, too busy to even let me know that I exist.To put it simply, no one cares.

And that is just the way I like it...or so I thought.

I felt a person's hand gently tapping the top of my head and brushed its fingers to my hair until the end of my stands fell on my small shoulders, sending a shivering sensation down to my spine.

"Good Morning, Sunshine."

"Sunshine? I've been waiting for it since this morning." I said, not even glancing on the person who stood beside me, I already know who it is.

Despite this kind of mindset, there is but one impossible guy who never gave up on trying to make me show some of myself to him. He broke a small part of the wall I had built between me and the whole world, he dared to prove me wrong, that he was not like everyone I have thought they are, that he is someone I can rely on, that he can be trusted. He wanted to make friends with me for an unknown reason until I cleared me decision to open up a bit. The effort he has shown me was enough of an evidence that he is trustworthy. From then on, we became friends.

"What I meant is you." he said, clearly, I could hear him smiling. Still, I did not look at the man. My eyes are still fixed outside, waiting for the rain to subside. I am still hoping to see what I wanted to see all along.

"Oh. Then you are simply describing me in an opposite manner."

" If you are saying that you are the rain, I'd believe you. but, do you, perhaps, might want to change it?" he asked and here we go again. This is a part of him which I dislike. he pursues me to step out of this what he calls 'cage'.

" can you atleast glance at me when I talk to you? what are you even looking at?" his tone was calm but for me, inside it was being forced.

"I'm waiting for the Sun to come out, can you not see? " my brows furrowed as I spoke. still looking outside, watching the rain falling down heavier.

" No. you are waiting for happiness." he said and I was taken aback. Was I too easy for him to read? was I too obvious that it is already written on my face? No. Despite my lone personality, he can figure me out just like that and it is one of the reasons why I talk to this man. Maybe those sayings that can be heard from others are true..that some people who can understand without you even speaking a word. Yes, he was right. I was not really waitimg for the sun just to shine, I was waiting for my life to brighten up. "but how will you find sunshine when you are covering it? remember, you are the rain."

Those word shot me like they were a dozen of arrows.I could not find the right words to say, he was right again but his words still did not encourage me to step out and open up to everyone... Fear is pulling me back....and I am hovering the happiness I am looking for

"but you know.." he said and made me turned my gaze directly to him. "... Anyone who thinks that sunshine is pure happiness, has never danced in the rain." To what he said, I did not understand until he brought me outside after class and there I knew what he meant.

He dragged me in the middle of the outside campus, the rain was pouring hard but it felt good. We were drenched and cold but I cared less about it. All along I had thought that rain was simply... a bad thing, a weather to ruin someone's hopes and joy. but now it seems that he changed my mind and at some point, I think the rain is not that bad after all.

" I like people who smile when its raining." he said. " It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever so start changing."

I am glad that he brought me here...but my smile faded away once he said that I should change. If only he would also know hard it is for me.

"Thanks, Baekhyun.."

And now, here I am. Walking by myself alone in the streets. The day is beginning to end and up until now, I did not see the sun. And now, here I am. Walking by myself alone in the streets to go home. A home I should be happy and excited about but in my case, I never felt it ever since he left.

To me, it never felt like home, a place where I should be safe and secured...I was never happy...it felt more like hell.

Father had left us with a debt we are forced to pay, I never had the love and care I yearn from my own Mother, my Sister, whom had been by my side, died at an early age. Now I was always alone.

Not only at school was I depressed, even where I live became the reason why I concealed myself away from everyone, the reason why I distance myself and choose the right ones to trust.

 

I became a Wallflower.