A World Without Augustus Waters

••••DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK••••

Before, I denied my depression. Now it took over my life. I was depressed everyday, all the time. That was until I met someone. Perhaps the second love of my life? I could never replace Augustus Waters. Never. There was no one like him, and there never will be.

But I did love my new boyfriend Just not in the same way as I loved Gus.

We lay there in silence for a few minutes. He stroked my hair. Even though Augustus was gone, it felt like he was somewhat back.

I haven't told my mom yet because I'm afraid of the outcome. She'll say something along the lines of, "I know you miss Augustus and you think this is an escape, but don't you feel like your rushing this?" I can picture her giving me this whole lecture about how I'm not over him (which I'm not), and tell me that I should wait.

I think he is my escape in a way. But it's not like I'm using him because I do love him. It sucks. The world is cruel and Augustus deserved to live a full life. It's even cruel to me. I'm going to be sick for the rest of my life (or as long as I live). I just wish the world would stop being cruel so I didn't have to hurt anyone, especially my parents. It's a good thing I don't have any siblings, I don't want anymore people having sympathy for me.

"Want to listen to a movie with me?" He said.

"Well, I'll watch, you listen." I said quietly. I could tell he was dozing off. I could feel his heart rate slowing down against my face.

"Fair enough," he added. In no more than five minutes he was asleep.

In many ways he was like Gus. There was no way I could break up with him no matter how many fights we got into. It was impossible to break up with him. But I liked that. I felt like we were meant to last. Gus and I just weren't going to last, that's why he's gone (I always told myself that).

The next day I decided to tell my mom.

"Mom?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"I'm in love with Isaac."