The Negative

They assumed I was killed by Outsiders. They were wrong. Nesh must've held on to something because he never gave up looking for me. In the end, it was him that found me roaming aimlessly in the desert four months after I'd disappeared. Ever since I was returned to the Community, he's been forced to look into the eyes of the woman he loved for three years and see me staring back at him with no recognition. The Adviser I've been seeing is working on getting my memories back, but I feel as though I only met Nesh a month ago.

With the heavy weight on my back from the pack, I walk the few steps it takes to reach Nesh and take his long fingers in my hand. There's a freckle on one knuckle I don't remember seeing until now, but I must've seen before. My memories with him may only go back a month, but he feels familiar.

I squeeze his hand and glance up into his dark eyes, forcing him to focus on me. "I'll be with you the whole time."

This is probably the moment where he's supposed to kiss me, but I turn away before he's able. Another Recruiter, Ross, pops his head into the compartment that Nesh and I share. "We're heading out," he says. His red hair is a mop on top of his head and freckles splash across his face. He's wearing the same outfit as us. We'd all look like we were going hiking if it weren't for the big guns we carried.

I was told the walk was only a mile, but with the unwavering heat and hills we have to climb, it feels like hundreds. I drink an entire bottle of water just during the walk. I still have two more in my pack, but I want to save them. I try not to remember the fear and pain I felt only a month ago when I woke up, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, with no memory. This is the first time I have been outside since I was found. Nothing is changed. The earth is dry and cracked, and the only trees left are dead and splintering apart. Nothing grows or lives here. I glance back at the mountain the Community uses as shelter. No one from the outside would assume an entire society lives there.

We pass the dilapidated town where Nesh had found me curled inside the only building that still had a roof. It's eerily quiet, and we all walk quickly. Images flash through my mind of other people gathered here, but no one I recognize from the Community. I have the gun in my hand and recall my Adviser's words: "Outsiders have no remorse. They kill without thinking. It's a miracle you escaped and returned back one piece." But I'm not in one piece, really.

Once we pass the town, the terrain slopes down steeply. At one point, this must have been a river but now it's just a deep trench filled with old bones, animal or otherwise. They're a reminder that nothing can survive in this environment.

I can feel Nesh's eyes on my back. I track Ross's footprints and step exactly where he stood. My feet know the path naturally, though this is the first time I remember making this trip. The dry earth is worn where Recruiters have walked countless times, but the slope is steep enough that I have to watch my footing. I slip only a couple times, and Nesh is there to catch me. I stand quickly each time, ignoring his hands trying to help me up.

"I'm fine," I snap.

The ground at the base of the trench is made of sand, and my feet sink into the soft earth. Occasional crunches follow my steps as bones crack beneath me. The walk across isn't difficult, but several beads of sweat drip down my forehead and neck. We climb up the other side, which is even higher, and I already know there will be a large hill ahead of us and, beyond that, a flat area called The Reach. The Reach is the area where we do the tests. I can already hear muffled voices. I almost gasp when I see how many people wait below. Crowds of hundreds stand, and they all turn to look at us when we appear. The voices go silent.