Unrequited Love

To The One That Got Away,

I love you. I’ve got no reason to love you but I’d still do it for million times. You’ve never gave me something, just one thing, to hold on to this undying unrequited love of mine but I always picked up those scattered hope and determination that one day I will be the love of your life, unfortunately that day will never come.

I love you. Three words and eight letters. These powerful words have finally come on time but my heart had shattered upon hearing you saying it to other woman. I died a million times, stabbed in the back, lost my soul, my dream to have you in my life.

I love you. Even it means seeing you in a faraway laughing with your partner. I have wished it is me hearing your voices, staring how your lips move whenever you talk or tell a story about your day. I have wished that it is me hugging you tightly in times of fall down, rubbing your back saying it is okay to be sad, to cry. I wished it is me.

I love you. I remembered the time that you’ve finally notice me. It started with a question, a question I didn’t expect you to answer. But you did. And so one question was followed by another, and another and another. It didn’t take long for us to eventually have actual conversation.

I love you. Every time we talk, I always give my full attention to you, that I don’t want to miss every single word or even letter you uttered. I love being with you- a person who are unique, talented, smart, handsome. And I wished these small talks, overnight messages will come to eye to eye conversation. I want to feel the static energy whenever our elbow meets accidentally, hear how you giggle and sigh at times. I want to meet you with no hesitation in your eyes that you want me too that you want me the way I want you.

I love you. You shared to me your life, your passion, dreams that I admire so much. You shared to me how you love to cook, how coffee makes your day better and how important is family. You shared to me the beauty in you that some cannot appreciate, some cannot understand. You showed me how ugly you are in times of struggle and it never gave me doubt to stop from loving you.

I love you. Finally, you gave it to me. These three words makes me crazy. I have cried, laughed and I don’t know what to say. I just hugged you tightly and kissed you passionately. And so my fairy tale just started. I didn’t asks any question, didn’t bother to think about her because I love you, and it means a lot to be with you.

I love you. We were so happy then. I’ve met your family and they are good, wishing it will be me until the end. They are so fond of me that they want me every day at your home. We watched movies. Drank coffee together. Stayed up late at night talking and laughing. I have met your friends and you have met mine. And  And I cannot forget, you always call me princess, so sweet.

I love you. One day you told me she’s coming back, no let me rephrase, she never left you. It is just me pretending I didn’t notice your conversation in your inbox, how many times you’ve said you missed her so much, that sometimes you are gone telling me you went to your friends but you were with her. I stopped myself to ask questions because I know I cannot hold the truth.

I love you. I never listened to what other people say because I love you. Until, I received a text from you. You say sorry and you still love her. I don’t know what to say then. I don’t know if I will reply you. I don’t know what to feel. It is a mixed emotions composing of anger and betrayal. You want me to meet you, but I didn’t respond.

I love you. You came to my apartment. You saw me with my friends drinking liquor and laughing. And you came in like there’s nothing happened. You told me we need to talk. So I said yes. You started with I’m sorry. And I began crying. You’ve said sorry for hurting me so much, for not giving me what I deserved, for being an option when she’s not around. You’ve said sorry for being unfair. Sorry for not fighting, sorry for everything. I asked you if you have loved me. And you said yes, so much. But the memories you built with her is so strong that you cannot leave her for me, that every time you end your relationship with her, you saw sadness in her eyes, and pity her. And you started crying, too.

I love you. I have told you many times how much I love you. We were both crying. I’m begging you that it should be me because I deserve you but you kept on telling me at the right time. Why not fight for it if it’s really me? I’ve been fooling myself so long, and that time I’ve realized it is not me, never been and never will.

I love you. This feeling cannot be change in a blink of an eye. And I do not know how. I received again a message from you telling me you’re sorry, to me, to us that will never happened again. You are sorry for being damned coward. You said you never wanted to hurt me, that I more than I’ll ever know. You’ve said you will never forget me, not even If you try. You’ve said I never done something wrong but you still left me. And what makes me cry the most is that, you’ve told me, I am and always be your what if.

I still love you, but I’m tired and hopeless. So I decided to fix myself. I tried not to think of you. And so I did.

I loved you. It’s been two years since the day I cried so hard because of you. And I want to thank you for giving up on us that time, right now, I’m so happy with my life. Wish you have the same happiness too.

The end😊