Loving and Losing Juliett

Chapter 1 : Letting Me In, Running Away

I knock on her door and wait anxiously. I know she's in there, nothing but a door keeping us apart.

There was a time when a door meant nothing, nothing but a square block-way, usually keeping my from something I wanted, but easily knocked down...

Now, but so much. Now, it feels like we are miles and miles away from each other and every time I get just shy of my mark - there Kent is mucking everything up. Pleading with my love for her affections. And every time I see it... I die a little. Because I know the truth...that she loves him, that she's pulling away to protect him, for his own good. I know that if she didn't care so deeply she would be in his room not her own. And for that, I die a little, just ever so slowly. Forced to go through the torture of my not quite - not yet- returned love. But my torment and torture is also my addiction. And I thank the heavens that I get to see my tormentor every day.

"Tis torture and not mercy. Heaven is where Juliet lives" I mutter, reciting a line I had recently read from Shakespeare.

The door opens... and there she is. Looking as stunning as ever...

Juliett....

Juliett closes the door just as quickly and as suddenly as she opened it.

"Juliette?" I say testing the waters.

"What are you doing here?" her lovely voice, laced with anger and shock, says through the door.

"I need to speak with you."

"Right now. You need to speak with me right now."

I need to speak with you right now and forever but I have come to terms with the realization that that won't happen, I say in my head. But to her I just answer, "Yes. It's important, I heard Kent telling you that those twin girls would be in the medical wing tonight and I figured it would be a good time for us to speak privately."

"You heard my conversation with Adam?" she says in a panicked voice.

"I have zero interest in your conversation with Kent," I say which is true. "I left just as soon as I heard you'd be alone tonight." I left for fear that after proving her love for him and hiding her feeling for me, that I would not have the courage to ask her the question that would make or end me.

"Oh. How did you even get in here without guards stopping you?"

Seeing an opening I say "Maybe you should open the door so I can explain."

Nothing.

Not that I am surprised. I'd be more surprised if she were able to talk.

"Please, love, I'm not going to do anything to hurt you. You should know that by now." and if she didn't then she has even less intelligence than Kent.

"I'm giving you five minutes. Then I have to sleep, okay? I'm exhausted."

Feeling as if my heart would explode and I smile, saying, "Okay. Five minutes."

I walk into her room and sit on her bed, my mind racing.

Has Kent sat here? Or course. When was the last time? Was it when she said good-by? Before? After?

These are not the things that I should be thinking of, but they distract me from my urges to pull her into this bed with me.

"So . . . what is it? You just left earlier, in the tunnel. Even though I asked you to wait."

Of course I left, watching her with that pathetic waste of a man makes me sick. She is settling because no one else can touch her, love her - what she has always wanted her whole life - something I am quiet well acquainted with ..But I'm here now...and I want my chance.

"Your bed is so much more comfortable than mine," I say quietly. "You have a pillow. And an actual blanket?" I laugh. "You're living like a queen in these quarters. They treat you well." I'm not quite sure if I being sarcastic of not.

"Warner." I love how she says my name. Like it matters. Like she can see the real me. "What's going on? Why are you here?" she says, worried more. The thought of her worried for me send a zing of painful pleasure - the only kind I've know - through me.

Nerves build up in me. I suck in a tight breath.

"I want you to come with me"

.....

Nothing, which I take as a good sign.

"When I leave tomorrow, I want you to come with me. I never had a chance to finish talking to you earlier and I thought asking you in the morning would be bad timing all around."