Damaged Goods

Innocence

"Stop" I whimpered

But he didn't stop. It seemed like his thrust only became  faster, sweatier, and more aggressive. He scratched my insides like  nails against a chalkboard. Each movement filled with more hate than last. I kicked and begged for him to stop. To end this torture. I had no understanding as to why  I was receiving this punishment. This sort of pain should only be given to someone who has committed the evilest of acts. My tears dried up. Its like I felt my soul leave my body. It almost felt like I was being swallowed up by the void it had left behind. Soon, I became defeated I stopped fighting. I slowly gave up any hope of getting my uncle off of me. His beard brush against the side of my face, its rough texture made my body cringe even more. Laying on my stomach, I couldn't even fight for my innocence as I was being robbed of it.
       I weighed merely 95 pounds soaking wet. How could I compare to to his 200 pound frame? This had been the longest two minutes of my life. Where's my mom? Why is he doing this? I couldn't think of a time before today that my father wasn't around to save me. He'd work so much that he wasn't able to visit mom and I. So many thoughts ran through my mind as I layed there. No longer dressed in the clothes my mother had left me in, everything had been torn up and thrown across the room. I begged momma. I begged her not let this man live with us. I had only met him a week  before mom said he'd be occupying our sofa bed for a few weeks. Then a few weeks turned into 6 months and I gave up on all hope of momma putting him out.  All she told me was

"He is my brother and we dont turn our back on family."

        At this time my mother was completely strung out on whatever drug she could get her hands on for the night, and with dad no longer living here, most nights mom could barely even remember to feed me. Momma was always like this though. I remember my mom being superwoman but when dad moved away thing just never seemed the same after that. Mom started having more male friends come over and I would just sit in the living room waiting until she finished the activities that were taking place behind her bedroom door.
     

  After what seemed like eternity, uncle Mark finally removed himself from my throbbing insides. My vagina felt like a fire had just been lit and I was the lucky item to be covered in gasoline. The grunt he made, after he exited my now invaded territory, was a horrific sound that I'd never forget. He left my room and I laid in my bed in fetal position  feeling defeated.

        I slowly woke up and had to blink a few times to adjust my eyesight. When I could finally see clearly I noticed all the dried up blood that stained both my newly impure body and my Disney princess sheets. Every move I made seemed to bruise me all over again. I slowly made me way to the bathroom but before I could enter I heard speaking coming from Mamma's bedroom. I looked through the crack of her room door and listened.

"This isn't what we discussed Mark" momma said barely above whisper.

"Does it really matter Tamika? You're getting what you asked for either way"

"I didn't ask for you to rape my daughter! You said I wouldn't be in dept anymore if allowed you stay here! My child was never apart of the deal!

"ARE YOU FORGETTING HOW MUCH MONEY IN DRUGS YOU STOLE FROM ME? YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T KILL YOU AND YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER!"  He spat.

With that said he left the apartment and slammed the door behind him. I always wondered why mom never came in to hold me that night. Why didn't she protect me from the nights that followed when Mark would come into my room and invade a space that I no longer owned. I soon found out that my mother didn't love me or care for me. I was simply a pawn she had used to get her hit.