Flat.
I'm lying flat on my back, thinking and reminiscing the day that just passed.
The lights are already turned off, and I'm cushioned in between my pillows. The only thing audible is the sound from the fan beside my bed.
Under my pillow lies my phone. It's weird to anticipate a polyphonic beep from it tonight--I know the message will not come.
-----
I was with him and his family last weekend to celebrate his 26th birthday. A family dinner on the eve of the 30th, and a big party for the corporates on the day itself. I know he always wouldn't like the latter; for him it's total boredom. Being raised an Alta, he sees big parties as a cause of constipation and bloating, literally and figuratively. 'Umay' as we coin it.
We were sitting in the garden late that night on the 30th. He always wants to wait for his birthdates to expire before dozing off to sleep.
"Tulog ka na kaya, nakapikit ka na, oh?" he told me. I cleared my eyes from the tears that have been putting me to sleep.
"Ngek, maya na nuh...hintayin natin baka may dumating pa..," I chuckled. My eyes are already feeling the increasing weight from its lids, and a force is now calling my temple. But I have to stay late with him, I want to stay late with him...
His gaze is fixed on the people inside the hall, as if pleading them to finally go home and leave him in peace. In his silence I could hear a prayer being uttered. 'Please leave I'm being suffocated.'
"Malapit na naman mag-twelve, malapit na rin sila umuwi." I moved closer to him, tapped his broad shoulders, and gave him a little smile.
"But they're not here yet...I still want to wait.."
I smiled. "Sure, they will," I comforted.
I've never seen him so sad and empty. He is an ego-booster and is fond of lifting up weakly spirits to maximum confidence. He is anticipating for his peers to drop by and celebrate the day with him. He is not a man of a thousand-and-one words, but knowing him for four years now teaches me what his silence and smile mean. It's not about being always 'fine' and 'patient'. Deep within his unbeatable facade is a silent wish of their arrival--his brods.
Early that afternoon I helped him prepare everything--their favorite liquours--with my mouth reminding him every split of a second a line--which he had seemed to perfectly memorize by now--"You may do everything, but moderate liquors, few cigars, and please, please, no drugs...and if you find a woman, please use protection." I gave him a devious smile on the last clause.
"So you're pushing me, huh?" he smiled.
MY eyes widened. "Nope, I'm WARNING you."
We both laughed.
"But really, please take the first three wishes seriously.. And there's one more pala.." Moving closer, my left hand held his right, and my other hand touched his face. "Wala nang basag-ulo, ha? Come home safe and alive."
"Of course, ako pa?"
Ang yabang.
He wrapped me in his arms. It was so warm, and sweet.
I love you.
---
It's nearly twelve midnight. His guys haven't arrived yet. I'm becoming worried. I felt a weight on my left shoulder. He just laid his head. His arms on my temple. I felt a sigh.
To others, it might seem quite too short for a moment, but to me it was his peace. I felt his sadness. This is his way of telling me what he feels. No words, no sounds, but a heave of a sigh. His eyes closed, his hands squeezing mine tight. I kissed his head. Under a carpet of stars, which we both loved to gaze at, we remained like a madonna and her child. Still, but breathing; silent, but talking; asleep, but living.
