Ask Me/My Life

Crying in fear

So yep....this is my ACTUAL life.

So here's a diary entry.

Dear Diary,

Today was normal once again....Stress,crying,cutting,and then sleeping.

But today I cried over something.... I havent cried about....since I was 10...

My family.

I hate it when one dies...

But I was thinking about my Mom....

My grandfather..

My pets that PRETTY much killed themselves (1 was ranover/the other one hanged itself by wrapping its chain around a pole intell it choked...;-;)

Then I thought....

When my brother dies...how will i ....move on?

He's younger then me but I still worry.

I was up at night, my door shut and my TV on.

I had moved in with a friend...

She's actually is 1 year younger then me but her parents gave her loads of money and i have known her since I was 2.

She was out in London for 1 week though.

She knows about my depression and my cutting.

So she's usually terrified to leave me alone.

But she trusted me that day she left.

She shouldn't have.

She left me alone with my thoughts....

though I told her to go visit her granma..

...

I went to highschool that day..

In the last year.

I am bullied and called a "Nightmare" at my school.

My teeth are sharp,I have ice blue eyes,Purple(dyed) hair,And my mood just scares people.

But that day....

Was a bad day...

I came home later that day, crying.

I was hit,kicked,and yelled at...

All at the same time.

4 girls had to hold me down or I would have punched Olive...

But they kicked me and hit me.

They threw things at me, teared up my test I had to turn in (that was like 15 pages )

They also spilled smoothies all Over me.

They then ran.

We had been behind the school so no one saw.

I go back there to be alone but they had found out my daily routine and followed me outside.

I grabbed my bag and got on my motor cycle (I'll show a pic at some point but where I'm at its like 1:27 am)

And drove off...

I was SO tempted to ride off a cliff....

Once I got home...

I couldn't resist it anymore!

I grabbed a rope and tied it to a hook behind the house that was from where we would put a flower pot.

I put it around my neck and attempted at tieing it when I heard Bella's car...

It was like a movie about some girls life...

Where she's depressed and someone saves her.

But I'm still depressed....

And being bullied.

And all the teachers hate me...

So I just was ready to give up.

Bella yelled my name and I think she looked around...

I was hurrying to tie the rope and finally got it tied.

I kicked the stool and accidentally made to much noise.

It hit the wall and made a loud clash

I gasped as the sudden yank on my neck feeling.

Then I couldn't breath...

I was dying.

I just of missed something, it wasn't killing me fast enough.

I heard Bella slam the back door open and scream my name.

Then grabbing me and holding me up so I'm not choking.

"L et m go"
I tried to get her to let me go but she untied the knot and sat me on the ground trying not to fall.

For I was MUCH taller then her.

"Vi! You promised me!!!"
I could tell she was crying as I was gasping for air.

"Im so r y"
I could barely speak at all.

She wanted to call the ambulance but I didn't want to go into the process of "becoming better"

She tried helping up to my room to my blue and purple room.

She let me lay down.

She made food and gave me water so I could speak.

I explained everything that Happened and she vowed when she came to my school she would kill those girls.

And honestly...

I was perfectly fine with that.