Being Deviant

Chapter 10 : Rejection.

"Would you like to go out with me?"

"No."

I laid down on my bed, butt-naked. I let out a long sigh, hugging my pillow. I was right. She would never love someone like me. A doormat.

But when did being right seem so painful?

"B-but why?" I asked, my confidence plummeting to the ground.

"Calvin, I'm gonna be honest with you and believe me when I say this, life isn't all about rainbows and sprinkles. When I tell you my reason, I'm not gonna even sugarcoat it or anything, alright? So, here we go." She said, taking in a long, sharp breath. "Because, Calvin, I like you but not in that way, nor will I ever. You may call it being rash but I just call it being honest. Label me a jerk or a bitch or whatever but it's the truth, Calvin. I will never like you that way, ever."

I stared at the ceiling, wondering if other people felt the same when it came to rejection. Would they be in their beds, crying like the way people do it in movies? Should I act the same?

No. I told Derek that I wouldn't so I shouldn't.

I abruptly sat up and turned to my desk. I hurried over and started looking through the drawers in it, looking for any form of paper. As soon as I did, I grabbed a pencil and started writing. Writing one single sentence over and over.

"Ever?" I asked, feeling hysteric.

"Yes, ever. Just get it over with. Move on and fall in love with some other girl. Just not me."

She stood up and started walking, seeming as though she's forgotten I've even existed, as if it were before this whole 'road trip' even happened. I wanted to lay down there, sprawled across the pavement and rethink the whole thing but instead, I stood up and followed, keeping a distance between the two of us.

She rejected me. I repeated to myself. I mean, I already expected that. Why did I even think that there was even a bit of hope?

Sweat started beading on my forehead, sliding down to my chin and falling on my lap as I rewrote the sentence as much as I could, taking as little space as possible every time I wrote it down. I was half-way through the paper when my pencil snapped and that was when I noticed that I was crying. I didn't know why or when or how, I was just crying. I quickly wiped off the tears, proceeding with the paper. I grabbed another pencil and continued scrawling on the poor sheet of paper.

"Sure, Jinx." I sighed. "Sure."

"I'm glad that you understand." She said, not even sparing a glance.

"Actually, no. I don't. I don't understand, Jinx. Everyone's telling me that you like me then when I finally admit that I like you too and even ask you out, you reject me."

"Well, Calvin, I hate to break it to you but I'm not everyone." She sarcastically spat. "I may act different when I'm with you but it's just that you're different from my normal audience. You're a doormat and girls who literally drag trouble into their lives do not date doormats."

"Angel..." I mumbled, looking at the road beside us. "You're acting so different." She's never been this harsh to me, never.

"Well too bad, like I said, life isn't all about rainbows and sprinkles, Calvin. Get used to it."

"And if I don't?" I questioned.

"Then don't. I was only nice purely out of pity."

My heart shattered.

Writing and writing and writing. I reached the end of the page and turned it over, continuing with the other side, writing the exact same thing over and over, more sweat sliding down my face.