Gonna Be the Death of Me (adopted by Brendon Urie)

//fifteen - carry you home//

Song of the Chapter - Who's Gonna Carry You Home, Elder Brother

Eva woke up at a semi-early hour the next morning, groaning as her phone read 8:00 am. Sleep was becoming hard for her to get any of. Now, waking up was the worst thing to ever happen. The rest of the bus was silent as she opened the curtain a bit and hopped down from the bunk, notebook in hand. The back lounge was empty except for a few couches and the million guitars all the musicians needed for no particular reason. She picked up one of hers, the original acoustic that started it all. The strings felt safe and natural in her hands and the vibrating chords sent a calm wave over her. 

She plucked random strings, waiting to find the right combination patiently, like fishing. Every one she tried was seemingly perfect except for one note or progression. But then, she found it. A smile crept onto her face as she scribbled the notes down under previously written words and read over what she had. Eva felt pure joy, even the smallest scrap of it, in her chest as she tried to play along. Her first real song, all written by only her, was finished. Or at least close enough to be proud. 

A sudden crash from the front of the bus, followed by a series of expletives, made Eva grin before getting up and running to the living area. Her dad stood there, covered in cereal dust and surrounded by a scattered box of Cheerios. "Having a good breakfast?" Eva asked, laughing a bit before walking up to Brendon and helping him clean the rest of the mess. "Could be worse I suppose" he answered, chuckling a bit himself.  "What are doing up so early anyway?" he asked her while standing up to throw away the mess. 

"Couldn't go back to sleep, so I just finished a song." Eva replied, shrugging and walking to a couch out front before practically throwing herself onto it. Brendon's eyes lit up and he smiled. He knew she liked writing, and knowing she was following what he did with his life made him smile. "If you ever need someone to listen, I'm all ears." He didn't want to pressure her, but honestly, he was dying to hear a song of hers. She looked up at him and the gears were turning fast. The song wasn't that good, especially compared to what they played on stage every night. But, he was her dad. She could show him anything and he'd love it. Maybe that's the problem though, no real sense of feedback. Wouldn't he say anything she did was good just to keep her happy opposed to sad and alone and disconnected. "Eva?" Brendon asked, slightly concerned. She snapped her face up to his and sheepishly smiled. Eva exhaled a long breath before answering "Sorry, just got lost in thought again. I'll get my guitar." 

Maybe he wouldn't tell her the truth, but she owed him something. Eva knew the song wasn't good and didn't need real criticism of it anyway. The duo sat in the front room as she strummed along to the intro that was written only twenty minutes prior. 

"This whole world acts like some kind of savior, like it has broken its knuckles for you. Now it's your turn to fulfill the favor by beating out the fear it put you through. 'Cause our demons send shivers down our spines and tonight I want to grow into them. But we both know this isn't the right time. So, splinter their bones and wreak your mayhem. Can't you notice the way our faces fall? Our skin takes on an overcast of white, nights made for bruises and hard alcohol, while being told this is a long, hard fight. We will sip 'til the numbness goes away, forgetting our pasts like butts in ashtrays.

Today, everything feels out of place. I don't know what to feel, how to keep up this pace. Nothing feels right, I'm just the next case. Move on, look ahead, please just keep us safe. 

We mask these tear streaked faces while we roam, and all the while, smoke starts to filter through. In these swelling fists, I have built a home, waiting for subtle peace with lips of blue. Winter bit hard and with deep kinds of fear. I'd be lying if I said I was fine, like it's rage didn't make monsters appear. But, I sat and withered, tied down like swine. We stayed there trapped, but somehow still thrived. We grew, kept growing, until warmth faded from you and us alike. We had survived. I still feel my bones part, pain you only aided. People change, that I sadly know too well, but I'm tired of the time left to dwell.

Today, everything feels out of place. I don't know what to feel, how to keep up this pace. Nothing feels right, I'm just the next case. Move on, look ahead, please just keep us safe. 

I remember why I stamped out the past, left the remains on the painted stairways. I still have the rest of that dingy cast, the one this damn world didn't want to praise. With a final chip off the fingertips, punch out the sting embedded in your eyes. I want to make smiles with crooked lips, lifting up my battered body like a prize. So scream and shout and make it known to us that you have run and that you are alive. Unlatch purple jaws to spill and discuss tales that kept us kicking, trying to thrive. Watch sunsets after ripped up yesterdays, Letting them burn in a deep, bruising blaze."

The words died out, Eva plucking for a while longer before the vibrations died out too. Brendon blinked away a few tears before pulling her into a prideful hug. The song was amazing, It was different, it was symbolic, it was magical. "E, that song can change lives." The praise wanted to so badly to soak into Eva, but she tried to make it bead up and roll off her skin. "I don't know Dad, don't you kind of have to say that." She immediately regretted saying that, but Brendon only laughed a bit and shook his head. "You're never gonna believe that you have a gift. No artist does, but you do. And I'd never lie to you about it." Eva believed it, slowly but surely, and let that bit of joy burst. "Thank you, Dad" she whispered into his shoulder as she hugged him again. They sat there, tweaking the song a bit to be more like what Eva wanted, and hours passed. This time with Eva reminded Brendon a bit of the first few weeks of them taking her home. The way nothing ever made her smile or laugh except for music. While it made him happy that playing guitar and writing was an escape for Eva just like it was for him and everyone on this tour, worry planted itself deep into his mind. Was she really getting this bad again? 

The moment carried on for hours, the rest of the boys slowly joining in as they woke up. Dallon helped with different strumming patterns, Kenny working on the different notes for her voice, and Dan thinking of beats she could use if she ever wanted to add them in electronically. Brendon just watched the magic happen. Watching a song be written was truly special and something no one on that bus would ever get tired of. "We're here, guys" Zack shouted, walking up the stairs and jumping at the sight of all of them on the couch. Zack wasn't around too much in the beginning of tour. He was training other guards and getting used to this tour run, but he was hanging out with all the guys and Eva a lot more. Dall, Kenny, and Dan nodded before getting up and walking to the bunks to get what they needed. Brendon went over to Zack and talked about the show, leaving the teenager to sit on the couch and marvel at all the work the band just helped her do. She stood up, stretching, before walking to get changed into clothes to play the show in, makeup and hair stuff, and her bass. The group of six left the bus, laughing and smiling, walking into the venue and finding their dressing room.