Hurt so many times yet my heart never learns. Why can't it see the truth that really lies beneath the mist all the lie's hidden away from the light casting an illusion, a fools dream, a dark spell preventing us to see the truth. Then revealing itself when we are at our weakest and most powerless point.
Time and time again the cracks get bigger. Invisible but there. It overpowers my head exposing itself to suffering and despair a wretched and painful realty. Why can't things ever go as we want them to.
Is this just some twisted game of fate? If it is please stop, I'm tired of hoping and having it always end the same with nothing but disappointment and empty promises.
My defences are getting stronger with each tear I cry. I'm now finding it hard to let others in and I have to teach my heart to pick up the pieces and put itself together again.
Maybe if I hide myself in the shadows casting me deeper and deeper in the dark. It might just help me get rid of this pain and suffering and replace it with nothing but the cold empty nothingness.
But I have to ask my self, is this really what I want. Do I really want to trade my heart and replace it with a stone cold one? One that will never experience the joys and happiness those around me can bring.
Am I too far gone that's it's too late for me to turn back. This feeling of anguish is consuming me. I no longer know what to believe. The light is slowly fading as well as my sun it will soon be nothing but a memory, dust in the wind. Is my path still clouded am I a lost soul with no hope of returning. If so will you help me?
No I am wrong there is always a way out we just need to look deep with in ourself and never lose hope. But I feel as if that is a fools dream tormenting me.
Why can't my heart just listen to my head for once that's all I'm asking, life will be so much easier. A world without heartbreak or suffering but reality will not allow this.
I'm going to build my walls even higher and cast my feelings away with my heart, this way I know I won't get hurt again. Please understand this is the path I choose and want. A decision I'm making and me alone so please let me be.
But for now I will suffer alone in the dark, away from the world. A river of tears by my side. Trapped in a world of sorrow and sadness. Surrounded by my demons. Just please let me be. I am broken there is nothing anyone can do.
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Humayra
