One-Shots

Today

A Short Story by Darcy Tyrrell

Edited by Meghan Richardson and Klaire McCarthy

Today. I'm going to tell him today. I put my pencil back in its case and my notebook in my bag.

Okay, let me explain. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, so cliché I know, but that's the truth. I am not exactly strictly female. Or straight for that matter. I'm gender fluid, which basically means I switch between genders. In my case, I identify fairly 50/50 male/female.

He doesn't know this yet. Hey, don't look at me that way. I know I should be honest with him. His name is Marin - weird name I know, but that's beside the point! I've kept this from him for too long. The fact that it's October 11th, National Coming Out Day, is an added bonus.

I grabbed my phone off the breakfast table and scrolled through my notifications, searching for Marin's somewhat inconsistent "Mornin' Jerk Whose Company I Enjoy" text. My friends have always thought that it was dumb, I thought it was cheesy and dorky, and I loved it. And him, I suppose.

Sure enough, there was the message, but it had a typo. "Mornin' Jerk hose Companion I Enjoy" I sighed, he had a strange keyboard that let him slide his finger along it to create words. I did not understand it at all, I've been telling him to get rid of it, but he refuses to because he "likes it too much".

I opened the notification and quickly typed "A Hose Companion? You are such a goof." I smiled as I picked up my school bag and slung it over my shoulder.

"Ma, I'm off to school," I called into the silent house, my mother was up, just reading in the sunroom. I closed the door and exhaled. It was warm for October.

I began to think about coming out to Marin as I walked to the transit stop. I was scared out of my mind. I wanted to vomit or... or cry. I had seen how some people reacted to others coming out. Was he going to out me to everyone else? No, he wasn't that terrible. Was he going to leave me? Or dismiss this as a desperate grab for attention? I wish I hadn't had breakfast; I felt bile rise up in my throat. I saw the edges of my vision blur with tears. I felt my lungs begin to squeeze. I slowed down and sat down on a bench. I dismissed the feeling as needless fear. Dismissing feelings is exactly what my Mom said not to do. I already knew the root of my anxiety. The inevitable conversation I was going to have with Marin.

Tears blurred my vision as I gulped down a sob and pulled out my phone. I opened the gallery app to calm myself and swiped through. Pictures of Marin and I at the beach earlier that year, and one picture a friend took of us mimicking a painting. I slowed my breathing and turned off my phone.

The bus arrived a bit early today and was empty except for an elderly lady who was humming a song I didn't recognize and drawing on a medium sized sketchpad. I wiped a stray tear from my eye and sat diagonally from her.

The bus ride was about ten minutes long, the elderly lady got off at the next stop, near a farmer's market. When the bus pulled up to my stop, a block from the school, I hopped off and snaked my way through two college kids. I was feeling extra feminine today. Would that help or set me back in my endeavours.

I didn't bother to stop at my locker today. Art was my first-period class and all of my supplies were in my bag. I slid into a seat by a friend, Evan. He was hot and all, but not quite boyfriend material. At least for me; another friend of mine, Meghan, was leaning into him playing with his hair. They were cute together.

I pulled out my sketchpad and got ready. The class seemed to drag on forever. Art used to be my favourite subject, but then Mr. Klancey started teaching the class with no knowledge of art whatsoever.