Poetry... I guess...

Why now?

Drama is drama
An awesome club where we do cool things
Like sing
Dance
Act
And get to be with the people we know and love
Lately, I feel as if it isn't what it was
All I hear is:
"She's cheating on you..."
"He's talking shit about you..."
"You let everybody walk all over you.."
"What's wrong?"
I never truthfully answer that question
I say I'm fine
I lie
I smile
I lie
I act as if I'm currently happy
I can't help but lie
I feel as if everyone started a war because of the drama
When deep down
Even though no one will say this is true
I did this
I started this drama
Because of what I've done
And now
Everyone hates each other
And it's my fault
I can't help but feel bad
Whether it be sad that I didn't do anything
Or mad because others are mad at anyone but me
Or whether the other night
I cried myself to sleep because I told the truth and for doing so,
I almost had the ability to be in drama...
Taken away
The ability to be in band...
Taken away
Doing anything fun...
Taken away
I know you think it's not much because it didn't happen and that it's not that big of a deal
But I did lose something
My parents trust
I lost every ounce of it
Every little bit of it
And now
I can barely look at them
I feel lost
I honestly don't want to talk to anyone
Because I feel so guilty
So terrible
That I don't care
I want to make them happy
But now
I honestly can't even find it easy to make myself smile
Let alone be happy

---------------------------------------------------
So if any of you ask
"Hey, are you okay?" or "Do you need anything?", just saying, I'll put on my little mask and say I'm fine or I'm good, but just know I'm not really the happy guy I normally am currently