anchor up to me, love | ✔

Ch. 01/03

your ship is comin' in

Throughout his youth, Jesse McCree had grown used to the idea that love didn't exist. Sure, it was possible that people believed that they were in love, but it always comes to an end at some point. No one ever sticks around for long, even if they wanted to.

So if you would have told him that, for the rest of his adult life, he would wake up to that very same love? You'd be, without a doubt, out of your mind. He was a man who spent his days ending lives to continue his own miserable existence. There wasn't a single person on God's green Earth who would ever see any good in him. The most he figured he'd ever get was a one-night-stand here and there.

And yet, there he was: Shimada Hanzo, leaning against the counter as he sipped his morning coffee. He looked so stunning, and Jesse swore that he felt his heart stop for a moment out of sheer awe. As the morning sunlight peeked in through the kitchen curtains, it cast a soft, orange glow on him. Compared the a few hours before, he seemed so at serene, as though no trouble in the world could touch him. To be honest, it made Jesse's heart ache a bit.

It seemed as though Jesse wasn't the only one who was spying on his husband. Shirataki, Hanzo's Russian Blue, hopped up on the counter beside him, meowing all the while. You're up early, she seemed to say. You seem lonely--perhaps you could use some company? Purring, she began to lean and rub against her father's arm. Chuckling, Hanzo obliged her, running a hand along her soft, grey coat. Of course he knew this wasn't the end; it'd be foolish to assume otherwise. Cornered, now he could only await the inevitable moment when her sister would appear.

Sure enough, an indignant cry sounded across the room. In came Sōmen, scurrying along the wooden floor and stopping at Hanzo's feet. Despite how he towered far above her, Sōmen met his lifted brow and amused gaze with defiance, as if challenging him. From her spot occupying Hanzo's hand, Taki meowed back at her sister, annoyed. How dare she try to steal Hanzo's attention away?

Sōmen never was one to back down, of course. Within seconds, she began mewling her complaints. Hanzo, having grown used to this routine, shook his head, chuckling. Taking one last sip of his coffee before setting it aside, he bent to pick up the whining cat. Holding her close, Hanzo murmured, "You always were the princess, weren't you?" Sōmen, being Sōmen, refused to acknowledge such treacherous comments (for now, at least). Instead, she decided to turn over in Hanzo's arms, a silent demand belly rubs. At this behaviour, Hanzo chuckled at this and complied; the kitchen fell quiet again.

Or, it was until Jesse decided that now was a good time to make his presence known.

Clearing his throat, he joined the scene, making a beeline to the fresh pot of coffee. Hanzo snorted, smiling as he watched Jesse begin pillaging the unsuspecting coffee pot. "I was beginning to wonder," he said, "if you were intending to stand there all morning."

Without missing a beat, Jesse grinned. "Well now," he said. "I would've come over sooner, but alas it seems you're too popular--I'm mighty shy, you know." Placing a few chaste kisses along Hanzo's jawline, he continued, "Y'all seem awful busy. I do hope my starting on breakfast won't disturb ya none."

At that, Hanzo rolled his eyes, aiming a playful shove at Jesse's shoulder. As he made his way over to the the coffeemaker, he called over his shoulder, "Do as you wish. Though, I'd be lying if I said I'm not surprised to see you up and about so early."

"Ah, well," and Jesse had to hesitate there. Now, he and Hanzo had been partners for ten years and friends for twice that long. So, he felt it was fair to say that he knew his other half pretty well at this point. He could see that he had two options laid out before him here. On the one hand, Jesse could be honest and bring up the, ah, incident from the night before. He had to admit that he was still rather shaken up from it. And, able to sleep much since, preferring to keep a close eye on Hanzo. His mama always did warn him that his protective nature would be his undoing someday. But, it'd be a snowy day in Hell before Jesse McCree would risk putting Hanzo through all that again. Still, he knew that the older man wouldn't see things that way. In fact, chances were actually pretty good that he'd blame himself for Jesse's lack of sleep.

By nature, Hanzo has always been thoughtful and reserved. But, then, his upbringing poisoned it all into self-doubt and crippling anxiety.

And the depression--God Almighty.

"Jesse?" Speaking of whom. Startling back into awareness, Jesse found Hanzo nursing a fresh mug of coffee. The former wasn't quite sure for how long he'd gotten lost inside of his own head. But, if the worried look he was receiving was anything to go by, it must have been some time ago. In one fluid motion, Hanzo stood before Jesse now, reaching up to stroke Jesse's cheek with his free hand. "Anata, are you alright?"

Up close, though, Jesse could see the dark bruises forming under his darling's eyes. He'd always had them, of course--they'd been there well before he and Jesse even met. We can't keep dancing around this, though. "Hanzo," he started, ever so careful. "Darlin', do ya think the two of us could have a quick talk?"

Jesse knew that, out of habit, Hanzo tended to keep his face blank whenever he was feeling anxious. Genji once told him that their father, and the elders, always tried to instill such practices in him. According to them, a true and deserving leader of an empire should never display any weakness. Exploiting weaknesses were a simple matter to attend to, and in their line of work it was not an afforded luxury.

Still, no one is perfect. Even if Hanzo tried to hide his feelings away, there were some things that slipped through the cracks. The way his fingers--which traveled from his cheek and into his bed-hair--froze, if only for a second. His smile, once soft and fond, hardened into something fake and guarded. Much in the same way, his eyes seemed dead compared to the twinkle of mischief and love they held only moments ago.

Seeming to sense their father's discomfort, Taki and Sōmen began to cry out, as if to ask, What's wrong? Why are you hurting? How can we help? They leaped down from their counter-top perch. Once safe on the ground, they began to rub against Hanzo's legs in a bid to comfort him. At the same time, Jesse swore that the felines were glaring at him. It wouldn't surprise him; they'd no doubt give their lives for him.

Lord only knew Jesse sure as shit would.

Hanzo was quiet for a while, so Jesse decided to switch tactics. "Tell ya what," he said. "I dunno about you, but I can't stand doing nothing when I'm having a serious conversation." At that, he managed to get a genuine smile--it was small, but Lord knew he'd take it. "So, how about this: why don't we make breakfast together, and we can talk while we cook? I'll even turn the radio on. How's that sound?"

For a moment, the only response he received was that of silence; all Jesse could do was hold his breath. Finally, Hanzo nodded, murmuring, "Okay, if you insist and think it'll help."