the pounding in my chest intensifies as the sobs get louder. i'm frozen in place, i can't move. the breath i had been taking in has been caught in my throat for what seems like an eternity, when really it's just been a few seconds. funny how time seems to stop when our worlds crumble.
the feeling of a hand landing on my shoulder pulls me from my trance. his lips are moving but i don't hear anything. his green eyes search mine, looking for recognition, for life, but i'm numb.
i feel myself being pulled into his chest, my brother's strong arms shielding me from whatever misery was dumped on us. something about my father. that's all that registered before my mind went blank and the only thing i could hear were my sister's sobs. i think he's dead.
my chest aches. my body aches. everything hurts. not for myself though, for my family. i've always seen my father for who he was, they saw him for who they wished he was. that's the difference. my pain is for them, for the agony they're in.
our father may have been a drunk, but he was the only parent we had left. mom had died when i was 15, my younger sister, kate, and i had moved in with our older brother after that. kyle has been supporting us for four years now, i help with the bills of course, but that doesn't lessen the gratitude i have for him.at 18 he dropped his life to take care of us, we wouldn't be here without him. when i turned 16 i got a job so he could have time to go back to college. he's a year late with his degree but he wouldn't have been able to juggle us and school before i got my job. i owe my life to him. kate's sniffles bring me out of my mind, making me aware of just how hard i had been gripping the chair.
kyle's hands run through her hair as she starts to fall asleep. at least she's escaping the reality we have been handed. his emerald eyes meet mine for the second time tonight, a silent question being asked. i can read the vulnerability in them, see into his mind like his thoughts were my own. he's scared. his eyes plead with me, begging for me to tell him its all okay.
i suddenly wish that this was all a bad dream. our deadbeat father would still be alive, kate's cheeks would be tear free, kyle wouldn't look more lost than i've ever seen him.
unfortunately wishes don't come true.
we sat there in the hospital room for hours waiting. for what? i couldn't tell you. maybe my siblings were waiting for someone to come walking through that door and tell us there had been a mistake, that our father was still alive. maybe they were waiting for a miracle.
either way i sat and waited with them, being the sturdy dependable rock i had always been. i knew it was time to leave when the nurses took my father's lifeless body out of the room. the wheels rolling across the floor. anyone walking by would guess that he was only sleeping. they'd never know how wrong they were.
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hello, let me start off by apologizing for this first chapter being so short. if i'm being honest, i wrote the first paragraph of this book almost a year ago while i was high on nyquil and deep in my depression. i forgot it even existed until i found it a couple of weeks ago. normally i'd just delete it, but something about this one stuck out to me. i have zero clue where i'm gonna take this book, but i want to find out.
also, i'm a really shitty writer so bear with me! thank you for taking the time to read this. anything i write about has deep ties with my current mentality so it means a lot to me.
