Seeing Through My Eyes

Imma Give You Some Background!

Background; you know we all have one, you know you want to rant about how your background made you the person you are today. We all don't have a "clean background", but most have some history they would not like to repeat. Well, I'm here to share mine. There's no need to be ashamed of what we've done, I mean it did, as we said, make us the person we are today. I don't have a crazy life; I never have and probably never will, but I've got some lessons that I've learned throughout time and I would just like to share them with the world. I'll be honest, I don't remember most of my past unless someone either reminds me or if there is any picture evidence of the actions I've done. It's quite sad, personally, you would think that if you talk about background you would more than likely have to remember your past, but a background doesn't have to start from the beginning. I know I wasn't the porcelain-perfect role model to myself or others around me. There are things in this world I wish I could take back and relive it the right way, but life doesn't work that way. No, no, no you are going to have those ups and downs and realize that this is your life and you can go in multiple directions, wherever you chose to go will be your choice and you will eventually change it about a million times as you continue.

This can relate to a lot of you reading, or you may have stopped because you noticed this isn't going to be a romance or a mystery or even a drama; no this will be all of those combined plus more. I think people that read this will need to because the people in their life have either worded what I'm going to say in a bad way or they just never bothered to try. As you probably notice I'm a straightforward person. I get this from my family, I may take it a bit extreme sometimes, but in my defense its mainly because I care. I may not know who reads this but just know I care, if I didn't I wouldn't be writing at all, I could be asleep and keeping the lessons I've learned, the hard way, all to myself. I'm not that selfish; I decided to stay up a couple hours every day writing to benefit you.
So, what's your background? If you don't know that's okay I'll give you a piece of mine. I've been heartbroken, full of laughter, bullied, always seeing a positive outcome, emotionless, an introvert, depressed, organized, suicidal, a busy bee, emotionally distant, making friends, mentally unstable, and always lending a helping hand as well as many other things that can't be expressed in words. This is my background and this is what makes up my story. I know I'm not the only one that has these types of backgrounds, I wish I could just meet every single one of you and talk about these things and help you overcome them. Its taken a lot of time for me to do so, and I have a feeling you have yet to overcome them yourselves or you just needed to read a story of someone like you.

You're not alone!! I promise you are not ever alone in this, now you know from reading this you will never be alone. And it's not just me and you there's thousands and thousands of us standing by your side. Think of us as friends; a good friend of mine gave me a gift and it said "Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there". We are right here with you; you may not see us or know us by name or where we are, but we are with you. Once I felt like I was all alone, like no one was like me and no one knew what I was going through, and I shoved and hurt everyone who ever tried getting close to me and tried to help because I was afraid. I've hurt so many people in my life that I am now thankful for, I thank them for sticking by my side and pushing through my pain to help and be supportive. Please don't shove people away that genuinely want to help you, they don't know what you are feeling inside and they definitely won't if you don't allow them to. This was my biggest mistake and I've lost a lot of people but it showed me who would truly be there for me. Honestly, I'm not very proud of myself for doing this, but I used to have these so-called breakdowns on purpose. I know I know this violates what I've been trying to encourage but I wanted to be honest with all of you. I would hurt people emotionally on purpose to see if they were truly going to be there for me. Now I couldn't just do this once because anyone can be there for you the first time so I started to do this multiple times in relationships and friendships. This actually did open my eyes in seeing the so-called people I called friends were actually foes, but it started getting out of control and I started hurting the people I love the most, my family. You never want to push away or hurt your family, they will always be there for you in the end, but treating them poorly will make them worry and become concerned about the state you are in. Parents only want what's best for us; even when they think they are helping and actually adding fuel to the fire. They don't know, this is why we have to trust them and be able to communicate by talking to them. I know it may seem strange, but I've been in your position; that you don't think they will understand or they will encourage you to see a therapist, take their advice. Just try what they are encouraging. Who knows it might work out for you it might not, if not go to them once more and hear what they have to offer. Even if they don't understand don't take it out on them; don't punish them for not understanding how you are. To me you are confused and scared and I know you don't mean harm and you just want to talk, but you have to start somewhere. Technology can also help, if you don't feel comfortable, like me, physically talking to someone in person you can always text, message, email, or even call someone you trust whether it is your parents, best friends, lover, or even a therapist.
Like I'll keep saying you are not alone, if you can't talk to anyone then I hope by reading this, this can help put your mind at ease for a bit. You need to believe in yourself, you can always change the direction you want to go. I have tried therapists, they made me feel uncomfortable because they haven't been there since the beginning they constantly asked me to rewind my story over and over again as if they weren't completely understanding what I was trying to express. I have so much respect for therapists and psychologists and what they offer and I know it's not their fault because my story does become a bit confusing, but I'd rather talk to someone who has been there since the beginning or understands my situation with more depth and not feeling like I have to start all over. I know I can't speak for everyone in the world and maybe some of you are going through something that can't be explained, but I wouldn't fear because its what makes you the beautiful person you are today. In the end, everyone has a background and I'm just here to help give you an insight and a personal view of someone who may be like you or just to give you a good read.

Hey, everyone, I hoped you enjoyed this little segment. I promise there will be more to come later......I really appreciate the time you've taken to read this. Don't let it stop there, I would love to know more about you and I would definitely love to hear any feedback on things I could improve on or just your favorite section or even what you would like me to talk about next. This is for all of you!