I Hope

Dear you,

I wish I could take it all back. And I'm sorry.

What can I say?

I'm a heartbreaker.

Love,

me.

***

I remember seeing him. I remember the first time I saw him. His dark, olive skin tone and his dark brown eyes; pretty, but yet mysterious to me. I didn't have any idea of who this boy was, but I was determined to find out.

We didn't talk that year. We unfortunately did not have any classes together, not even band because our band class was split into two periods and he was in the other one of the two.

But of course, I admired from afar. And yes, I completely understand how creepy and stalkerish that may sound. But it was kind of hard to get to know people when you were a scared, antisocial little 11 year old, like I had once been.

At that point in time, I had no idea what love was. And quite frankly, neither did anybody else my age. I mean, who am I kidding, 6th graders know nothing about love. They never have and they never will.

Anyways, at the time, I was completely infatuated with another boy: Robby Roddem. He was a tall, skinny boy with long, shaggy brunette hair whom I shared most of my classes with. He was funny, witty, and super smart - A lot smarter than I was. But he had a girlfriend, Mallory Garson, who was probably the most popular girl throughout all of the 6th grade. Everybody wanted to be her, because of the fact that she was gorgeous, skinny, and blonde and not to mention, dating one of the cutest boys in school.

I hadn't seen that olive skinned boy except at band concerts throughout the year. I finally knew his name after I caught the end of his conversation with my friend Syrena.

His name was Allsten Bilton.

And little did I know, that boy would change my life forever.

***

The summer before 7th grade year, I got over my infatuation with Robby and told myself that my life didn't revolve around boys. It shouldn't and I wouldn't let it. I spent the entire summer hanging and relaxing with my girlfriends and having a good time - not letting guys get in the way of my time with my girls! And honestly, it felt really nice to just forget about the boy drama for a little while and just relax with my best friends and hang out!

That is until the first day of school.

The day was dragging on and on and there was not a sign of that olive skinned boy I had seen very few times last year. I was beginning to get a little upset, as much as I didn't want to admit it.

I walked down the elective hallway, turning into a classroom with yellow letters above the door that read, "Profe Taylor - Spanish". It was my last class of the day and I was super relieved to have the first day of school almost completed without any complications.

That is until right as the bell rang, a boy walked in with the same recognizable olive skin that I had thought I'd never see again.

I remember his dark brown eyes, as they bore into mine and he smiled at me, for this first time. He wore a pair of blue jeans, the seams at the end of them kind of rugged, with strings hanging over the end and catching on the carpet in places. His shoes were just plain, white tennis shoes and he wore a red shirt, accompanied by a white jacket.

I watched him as he walked across the room and sat next to a boy whom I'd known as Ethan James, but everybody just calls him EJ. I continued to stare, which i realize is impolite, and watched them as they carried out this obnoxiously long man handshake with unnecessary snaps and knuckle punches.

I'm pretty sure one of the two boys had realized that I had been staring because EJ, being the annoying, immature boy he was, held up an imaginary camera in his hands, clicking his tongue for the capture.

"Take a picture, Madyx. It'll last longer." I hadn't realized who had said it until I witnessed Allsten winking at me.

"You know my name...?" I was genuinely surprised.